Finally.

Donnie finally started Rituxan last Friday. It only took 2 months but whatever life goes on :) We got to the Infusion Center at 8:30 and had to sign a bunch of stuff because apparently, Rituxan is a "black box drug" and that means that you can have a allergic reaction from it and die! I mean really, you try to do all this stuff to live and then they give you a drug that can kill you! Needless to say, Donnie signed his life away and got started. It took about 4 hours. It's administered through an IV. The place wasn't as nice as they made it seem on the phone but it was fine! I just red and watched some tv. Donnie was really uncomfortable, the stuff made his head and torso really itchy and he was getting like restless legs. He was just sick of sitting in the chair. He couldn't wait to get out of there! But we both survived :) They said that he might have some flu like symptoms after the infusion. He had a little bit of a fever and he said he felt wore out and tired but for the most part it wasn't that bad! The next 3 times he goes it will only be half the time so about 2 hours, which is totally doable!

How he's been doing.... Umm he's ok. He hasn't had much energy and he's been really tired. He just keeps losing weight, he is a rack of bones lol :) He's been getting a vitamin C drip once a week to build up his immune system and try to get a little bit of energy back! Other then that he has been doing fine just trying to do whatever he can to get better :)

Amazing.

So two amazing things happened to me this week..
One being that I found my wedding ring! Yes, I lost it. About 4 months ago. I don't wear it too often because I always wind up scratching Mia with it, so I always just wear my band. I only noticed that it was lost when I was packing for Reno in MAY! So who the heck knows when I really lost it. But anyways, I seriously have looked in every purse, under every bed and dresser, tore my car apart and still no ring. On Thursday, Donnie had a set study cards for work that mysteriously dissapered in our room. So we started scouring the room, and low and behold I could see a little shimmer in between the wall and my bed frame leg. I could not believe it but it was my ring! I swear I looked under my bed 10 times but it was like the perfect angle that I was looking and just the right light. None the less I found it. I had come to terms with the loss, as depressing as it was. So it was like getting my ring for the first time, I was beyond happy :) I am just so glad to have it back!
So the next amazing thing is that Donnie finally got approved for Rituxan. I could freaking jump for joy, I mean really, I honestly never thought that it would happen! After many weeks, numerous phone calls and back and fourths they finally said he is good to go. He starts Friday(19th) and insurance covers most of it, which is awesome. I don't even know what it feels like to have insurance pay for for something :) This Infusion Center also has private rooms, where they will provide him with snacks and drinks and a tv. He will be going every Friday for the next four weeks. He also has to get bloodwork every Tuesday just so they can see all his numbers before he gets treated. I'm going to try and sit with him on Fridays, because no one wants to sit all alone in a hospital room all day. My mom is going to watch the kids this Friday, but I still need to find a couple more takers ;) They said it could take anywhere from 3-8 hours (I know, great time frame) but honestly we are just glad he has a start date! I'm really hoping he doesn't have any bad side effects from this but we will have to wait and see :)

Update.

So a lot has been going on over the last few months with Donnie since we left Reno. When we left Reno, Donnie's lump was gone and he didn't need to do Chemo anymore. The Doctor told us that he needed to get Rituxan treatmenst for 4 weeks and continue Vitamin C drips and Glutathione. Donnie continued to have the homeopathic IV treatments while we were trying to find a Infusion Center that would treat him with Rituxan. Long story short, he still has not been able to get the Rituxan. I've had a very hard time finding a Infusion Center that would treat him. It's really hard because there is just so much red tape all the time. Most of the centers would not take him because he did not have a Oncologist that was local, which they require, in case something happens they need a doctor to be liable. And a local doctor won't take him unless they do all their own testing and determine their own protocol for him, which in the end probably wont be what Dr. Forsythe recommended. And the Infusion Centers that would take him didn't accept our insurance... so annoying. Its like we know what he needs but we cant find any place that will give it to him. After about 6 weeks I finally found somewhere that will treat him and our insurance covers (most) of it :) HOOORAYY!! In the mean time he has had another lump pop up :( Its pretty much in the same spot as his first one it's just a lot smaller, maybe the size of a marble. Dr. Forsythe said all of his blood work looks excellent though. Which means that the cancer isn't taking over his body and it's just localized in that lump. So that is at least some good news.

As of today, I'm currently in the process of writing a reconsideration letter to our insurance because of course the denied all of our claims we submitted. I just love insurance companies :) We are also still waiting for Dr. Forsythe's office to send over pre-authorization to the Infusion Center. They sure are taking their sweet time, I think I started getting the ball rolling on this Infusion Center the second week in July and they still don't have everything they need to get him started! It just gets so frustrating at times because there is so much involved with this process. I just wish there wasn't so much BS. If I didn't call and bug these places almost on a daily basis, he wouldn't get anything he needs done. It's like I have to tell them how to do their job. What papers to send, where to send them, what needs to on them, what treatment he needs! I just want him to get started because he needs it! His original lump that he had has since came back, its not as big as before but it's there. Its just concerning. That why he needs to get started on this treatment like yesterday! We are hoping that next week he will be able to start!

This journey is hard and tiring and some days we wish we could just quit but at the end of the day we know that the path we chose, as hard as it is, it the path that was right for him. Cancer is like a roller coaster, filled with high highs and low lows. One day you can hear amazing news and feel so hopeful and the next day you can find another lump! And sometimes it's even harder because Donnie doesn't look sick, he still has all his hair, he still works and he still has a smile on his face. But I know that there are days when he feel so awful on the inside and it is a constant struggle for him to stay upbeat and present. He sure is a trooper! Some days I don't know how he is so strong because he carries the weight of this whole family and never spends a minute complaining. I just want him better. This is something I cant fix. No matter what I do and no matter how hard I try, its something that just takes time and strength to endure. But I know that one day this will all be a thing of the past, and that day can't come soon enough!

Mia the Walker.

I can't believe I'm about to say this but Mia is actually walking. I never thought the day would come, I thought she would be a professional crawler for the rest of her life ;) She was just so fast and efficient at crawling that she had absolutely no need to stand up and learn to walk! But now she has the hang of it so it's fun! She's funny because she is so happy and proud of herself when she makes it to a certain destination by walking! Its like she thinks to herself YaY, I actually did it! She is still a little wobbly but she is getting better and better every day! Our little walker girl :) This is something I found her doing now that she is upright. Man am I in for it!

Brody the Swimmer.

Well Brody is officially a swimmer. One of the mom's from school is a swim instructor and she was great with him, he really caught on well! It really only took him 3 or 4 sessions before he was swimming across the pool. I'm so proud of him! The only problem now is that he thinks he can only swim in her pool and no other pools. Oh well, maybe one of these days he'll figure out that he can SWIM, in any pool! But for now he will watch from the step ;) Wish I knew how to post videos on here... I'm definitely not that skilled yet!

4th of July.

Don't mind the half eaten cake.
We forgot to have them
blow their candles
out before everyone dug in!

My parents have a big 4th of July party every year and 4th of July just happens to be Donnie and Brody's birthdays as well. So we normally go down for the weekend and do some family stuff together. This year we went to a couple BBQ's and we did some hiking, which us and the kids really enjoyed. We also went to the parade, which is a must because it's on their birthday and Brody loves all the candy they throw. We really had a great weekend just having fum with the kids and enjoying the little mini vacay! I can't believe that Brody is already 4. I mean where did the time go! He is so smart and articulate, nothing gets past that kid. Everything has a place and he always knows where that place is! He is definitely not a free spirit but that makes him him. It takes him awhile to get his feet wet but after he does his whole heart is in it! He is in love with superheros, dinos, swords and guns! He is all boy and man am I blessed to get to be his mom! Happy Birthday to Donnie too. Ever since we had Brody, he more than gladly takes a backseat when it comes to birthday festivities. He doesn't mind one bit though, I think he enjoys Brody getting all the attention way more! I just love my yankee doodle boys :) The fireworks are just for them!

Happy 4th of July!!!

a little hiking!!

Happy 1st Birthday, Mia.

Mean Face.
This picture never fails
to make me smile.

Mia's birthday was pretty much spent in the car. We were heading to Cedar for the weekend, the day of her birthday. Good thing she isn't old enough to care :) When we arrived at my moms, she had some muffins that she made so that Mia could blow out her candle! She has a dairy allergy so no cake for her but the muffin was perfect, she didn't notice the difference! She's as easy as it gets. I always joke and say, "God knew I needed a easy child after having Brody!" She does scream now, not like a crying scream, like an actual I want it now scream. It takes away from her cuteness a little though lol :) And she makes this incrediblely mean face, which is so cute and funny but probably wont be in about 10 years! She seriously is the sweetest girl though! Mia is normally happy from the time she wakes up till the time she goes to bed! And she is the perfect little eater, there isn't a meal she won't eat! We are just so lucky to have her as the perfect addition to our little family. There is this quote I found from Audrey Hepburn that fits her to a tee... "Happy girls are the Prettiest."

Dino Dig.

We decided to have a birthday party for Brody the weekend before his actual birthday (July 4th) because we normally go to Cedar every 4th of July. This year was especially fun because Brody actually has friends now so it wasn't just a bunch of adults at his party :) It was Dino themed; we had a dino dig in the sandbox and a huge water slide. Brody and all the kids had a blast! I was so glad that everyone could make it. The party really turned out great! I can't believe how big this little munchkin is getting. I just love that boy!

Happy Birthday Brody!!

The death of a Lizard.

So today I dropped Brody off at summer school. As soon as we got there he ran straight to the back by one of his friends. Well it wasn't 10 seconds later that both of them came running up to me. Brody was dangling something between his fingers... Well, to my surprise it was a dead lizard. Yes, dead. And Brody kept squeezing it. I was afraid all of his insides were going to come out. Ehhhkk gross. Mrs. Fitz suggested burying it. As I was leaving the two of them were deciding where the should be laid to rest. I thought better them then me. I don't like dead stuff. All day I thought about where in the backyard they decided to bury it. I couldn't wait to ask him when I picked him up. Fortunately, I didn't need to wait long to ask him because that dead little lizard was nicely placed in a peanut butter jar waiting for us to take him home. Brody was so excited that WE got to bury him at OUR house. Me not so much but I played along ;)


This is where the whole death of a Lizard became a reality. As we were driving home, Brody asked, while staring into his peanut butter lizard, "Can I keep him in this jar forever?" Me:" No, he is dead and if he stays in that jar too long he will smell, so that why we put him in the ground so we can't smell him." Brody: "Well, when will he be alive again?" I took a very long pause to answer that question, debating what would be the best answer. I finally answered with "He will never be alive again, because when animals and people die, they die forever." (too deep for a 4 years old? think again, his wheels were turning!) Brody: "So, will I die?" another tough one to answer... I didn't want him thinking he was going to die at any moment but in life there are only 2 certainties, birth and death (compliments of Tia :). And I guess now was a better time than any. Me: "Yes Brody, one day you will die, but you will be very old and it will be a very long time from now." Brody: "Will you die?" Me: "Yes, but I will be very old too." Brody: "Ok Mom!" (with a perplexed kind of stare). It was such a random conversation. It was so thoughtful and curious. It's so funny because kids live such a carefree innocent life, filled with no worries or regrets and to come to such a harsh reality of death must be crushing for a kid! Anyway, lizard (with no name because he was already dead ;) had a nice little service in our backyard. He will be forever remembered as the first funeral ever attended by Brody McGurk! 

Also a huge Thank You to Chance for hooking my computer up. The possibilities are now endless. The fabulous picture collage above, being one of the many great things :) How in the world did I not know of Picasa sooner!

(I personally, think it's pretty fancy)

Dear Lord.

I was having the WORST day a few days ago. From the moment that I woke up, it was just bad news and frustration and crying and whining and annoying doctors and stupid people. Nothing was going well and it was only 10am. To start off my day; I was tired because Mia was up, uhhh I don't know maybe 7 times that night and I got about 2.5 hours of sleep. Then it was first day of summer camp so it was the huge rush to get out of the house. Then I spent a whole hour sitting in my car in the school parking lot talking to Donnie's doctor because come to find out the treatment he was suppose to get done down here he won't be able to do.(I'll save this for another post. Then to top it all off me and a guy at Target backed into each other in the parking lot and it was somehow all my fault!!! And all the while Mia was the biggest crab apple ever, probably because she didn't sleep all night! Seriously it wasn't even 10 o'clock yet and I was ready to quit and curl up in my bed and go to sleep. But I couldn't I had to pull it all together and go to a board meeting potluck, it was honestly the last thing I wanted to do. Brody and me had fun though, despite the day. It was nice to talk to everyone and forget about my stupid day. Moms sure know how to make you feel better even if they aren't trying to! The best part though was getting Brody's portfolio that he gets at the end of the year. It has quotes and pictures and stuff he drew and stories he told, it's really a neat thing. It was very sweet. There was one saying that was in it that was exactly what I needed. It was like it was placed in that book just so I could read it at that very moment;

Dear Lord, It's such a hectic day

With little time to stop and pray

For life's been anything but calm

Since You called on me to be a mom

Running errands, matching socks

Building dreams with building blocks

Cooking, cleaning and finding shoes

And other stuff that children lose

Fitting lids on bottled bugs

Wiping tears and giving hugs

A stack of last weeks mail to read

So where's the quite time I need?

Yet when I steal a minute, Lord

Just at the sink or ironing board

To ask the blessing of Your grace

I see then, in my small one's face

That you have blessed me

All the while

And I stop to kiss

That precious smile

I know that 50 years from now I will not remember all the stupid annoying things that happened that day but I need to make sure I always remember all the good things that I have right now! Those non-sleeping, whiny, smiling munchkins being the best things of all!!