A Rut.

I've been having the hardest time blogging lately. I just never feel like it. I don't know if it's because I'm low on energy or because I find something else to do with the few minutes I have to spare or that the last thing I feel like doing is talking about life. Honestly, I have come to this computer several times this week to blog, but I always just wind up checking emails I never reply to or sorting through 2 weeks worth of mail. Life just feels so out of sorts right now. I sometimes feel like I'm in control of nothing. Like I just get through, bare minimum. I worry about today and nothing else. Donnie went back to the hospital on Wednesday and I swear I live there. I'm grateful that I have my mom here to watch my kids because I wouldn't be able to be there as much if she didn't, but I'm stretched thin. I'm always running from one place to another. Some days I so badly wish we were "normal" again; spending our free days at the park and having dinner as a family at night and going on vacations.  I miss being organized and thoughtful. I feel as if I live in such chaos. I never respond to emails, play dates are rare, family dinners long gone, and if I get to put my my kids to bed more times than less in a week, I'm elated. I'm in a rut lately, I guess. I just miss having our little family together all the time. I'm done now, I'll quit with the pity party. Thank you for listening, I needed that!

On to Donnie :) He went back to the hospital on Wednesday night, with plans to start Chemo in the morning, he wasn't however able to. His white count (ANC) was very low, it was in the 800 range and normal range is 2500 or above. So, they had to give him injections to increase his white count before they could start the chemo, because the chemo will just lower it more. Donnie was able to get his counts back up to normal range by the next day.. Go Don! So they were able to start everything yesterday. They also did another Intrathecal (spine chemo) yesterday. He will get another one on the 7th day and then he should be able to go home the next day (18th). He is doing good though, just chugging along. He can already tell that the treatments are working because he is almost in no pain anymore. His face use to kill him, it use to cause him so much pain from the mass pushing on nerves and his eye. He has just a little bit of numbness now but for the most part the pain is gone. So, that must mean the lump is shrinking right?! We think so. He will have another PET scan after this cycle and we will find out for sure. Can't wait for him to be home though!