Just keep Swimming.

It has been a busy couple days for us. I think I left you guys at last Friday getting the MRI. Well since the MRI was done on a Friday we weren't able to see anyone till after the weekend, so it was the big waiting game like always. I think Donnie laid in bed the entire weekend, he was really nauseous and he kept throwing up. We had no idea why though but after a couple days of that he decided to stop taking his antibiotic (the ER gave him), because he thought that the mixture of his pain meds and the antibiotic were making him feel sick. He did feel much better on Monday, So that was probably it. He's still in a good amount of pain but at least he isn't sick! He did go back to work for a few hours today before we went to his ENT app. to get some stuff squared away. He doesn't really have any leave left because he used all of it up when he spent the 3 weeks in Reno, so his boss is trying to get some donated to him through a base wide email. Sometimes people will donate their extra leave to people with medical issues, its just a lot of paperwork. He going to go in again tomorrow as well to finish some stuff up, but he has such a hard time staying very long because he just gets so wore out from the constant pain! Ok, ok, on to what the doctor said... Yesterday we went to the Ophthalmologist (DR. Brimhall), he was really nice and helpful. It was actually funny because Donnie recognized him from being the eye doctor on base a few years back :) Anyway, he looked through Donnie's MRIs but couldn't really tell us a whole lot about them. He just didn't know enough about what he was looking at to really help us. He did refer us to a different doctor that deals with more of the orbital surgery. So we have an appointment with her tomorrow. Today, was the ENT (Dr. Lomax). We kinda figured he would tell us the same thing as Dr. Brimhall, but he seemed a little more knowledgeable about what he was looking at on the MRI. He told us from the MRI report the mass is more flat and less of a lump. Instead of it being a big round lump, it is more like play-doh when you flatten it out. Its wide and long but not thick. The dimensions are 2.9x5.5x6.5cm and it starts at the back of his throat, goes up the back of his nose and into his right eye orbit. Its pretty large! Dr. Lomax told us that it's not something they can operate on and remove, it's something that has to be treated with treatment ie: radiation and chemotherapy. Which pretty much sucks. Donnie is just in so much pain and discomfort, that it would have been so wonderful for them to say, Yep we can remove it! But that wasn't the case and so we just move on. The ENT suggested us getting to an Oncologist as soon as possible. And we decided that we're going to part ways with Dr. Forsythe and find a new set of eyes that can give Donnie the attention he needs. We have an appointment on Thursday with a new Oncologist at the Nevada Cancer Institute, so we'll see how it goes.

I feel so numb sometimes, like all these thing are happening around me but mind is never far from the whats next. I'm constantly thinking 5 steps ahead and never really living in the present because I am so afraid sometimes of whats to come. I try so hard to keep my kids life as normal as possible; play dates, school, karate class. But I know I am not taking it all in as much as I should be because my mind is always preoccupied. I always think to myself, uh I just want our life back but this is our life and I forget just to enjoy what life we do have and stop wishing for another one. I constantly have to tell myself that because Cancer sure has a way of not only affecting the person with Cancer but everyone else around it. My main priority is getting my husband better because I need him.We have to just keep swimming and eventually we'll make it! Me and Donnie were driving in the car the other day and I told him that if he dies on me, I will never forgive him! HA Most of you will think I'm such a terrible person to say that but sometimes we just have to laugh about it all because as soon as I stop laughing I just want to cry! I had to give him a little reminder that he has to fight, that he can't give up, no matter how shitty it is! I don't think I could get through this life without him helping me! Haha I love that guy, even if he is always sick ;-) Now that I just made everyone hate me I'll stop :)

Updates to follow!