Day -5.

We have begun our very long month! We arrived in LA last night. Probably would have been here earlier but it took us 6 1/2 hours to get here instead of 4 1/2. Bleehh, there was So. Much. Traffic. I don't think we went faster than 45 the whole way to Barstow. Anyway, it was long. We had a nice dinner at Aunt Lu's and went to bed early. We made it to USC about 8:30 and Donnie had a room by 9, which was awesome! They got him started with all his vitals, and a chest xray, and a EKG, then started him on a hydration bag. It's been a pretty boring day though. Donnie was able to bring his xbox, and DVD's so we watched a movie and have just been hanging out. It is going to be an extremely long month though. It's just such a weird feeling to be here. I want to be here with Don but most days are spent doing nothing and just keeping him company. But then I think of how much I miss the kids and I just wish I could do both. I wish I could be with them and with Donnie, but I can't so I guess I just have to get over it. My mom will have the kids at our house till next week and then I'm gonna go home for a couple days then back here for proably another 5 days and then back home for a couple and then back here... pheeew, Did I already say it was going to be a long month?! Day by day that's the only way I'm going to make it through all of this without losing my mind. I honestly feel like it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't miss my kids so much, but I feel like I've been away from them for weeks and it's been one day! Oh well, day 1 is almost done, actually, in transplant terms it's day -5 that's almost done :) They call the first day -5, then -4, -3, -2, -1, then the day of the actually stem cell transplant is day 0, then, day 1, day 2, and so on till possible discharge around day 16. It's hard to get use to. Donnie just barely started his first bag of chemo and it's going well. Only a 3 hour bag so we'll see how he feels from it. Then, tomorrow is a rest day and Sunday another chemo bag. He's doing good so far. He's actually playing xbox as we speak :)
I'm going to try to update everyday, should be pretty easy for me, seeing as I do NOTHING but waste time here :)

Christmas.

Christmas came fast. I mean FAST. I tried to cram so much stuff into the couple days before Christmas because we had been gone. We went to see the lights at the Speedway on Friday. They were so cool! Brody and Mia loved them. There is like this huge path that you drive really slow through and it's covered with lights. We had a good time, it was a nice family Christmas activity. Then, on Saturday, Christmas Eve, we spent most of the day finishing last minute stuff around the house. My mom and I did some prep work for Christmas day lunch and Brody and I baked up a storm. Santa needed some cookies :) Christmas Eve night, we let the kids open one gift. My mom let us open one gift every Christmas Eve and I always loved that, so I thought it would be a good tradition to keep going with my kids. And of course they loved it too. Brody was so excited that we let he have a present before Santa came. I also, bought them Christmas jammie's to wear that night. Gotta having them matching! My parents stayed at our house that night and so did my sister so that we could all do Christmas morning together. Brody left chocolate milk and cookies for Santa then him and my sister, Kacie had a little tent slumber party in his room so they could wait for Santa together. Brody had so much fun!
So, remember that little "Santa present" snafu? Well, it kind cleared itself up. I was planning on trading gift with my mom so that the Santa presents that Brody found would be from her and her presents would be from him. But I was all guilt ridden because I didn't want to give him some random gift he didn't ask for {I know, I know, spoiled brat but I've been having guilt issues and that's a whole other post} Santa is suppose to bring the good gift, ya know, the ones he found in the closet! But anyway, when we were gone to USC, him and my mom were at the store together and she bought my cousin this Skylander game gift set. With like the game and the action figure and Brody was all about it. He kept asking why it wasn't for him and that he wanted to tell Santa that he changed his mind. He even kept hiding it around the house, thinking my mom would find it. Little ruggrat :) HA HA. So, I guess long story freaking loooong, my mom bought him Skylander and it was his Santa gift. Christmas morning rolls around and Don and me are sleeping in our room and Brody and Kacie in his room and I hear him run out and yell, "Skyyyylander" haha. I've never seen the kid so excited. And he has not stopped playing yet. He would play 24/7 if I let him. Brought so much joy to me. Even if he's probably about as spoiled as it gets ;) We spent most of the morning opening presents and eating breakfast, that was truly the gift for me this year, to be able to spend Christmas with my family, healthy!
Here are some pictures from Christmas Eve and Christmas morning!

Christmas afternoon we had all of our family over for lunch and gifts. I decided to host this year because I had no idea what Donnie would be feeling like so I thought that it would be better on him and I if we were at home and he could go back in the room if he needed to. Fortunately, he was great on Christmas! You never would have known what he had just went through! It was nice just to enjoy the time we had together. My mom and me cooked most of the stuff for lunch the day before so we just had to throw it in the oven on Christmas. We didn't want to have to do too much on Christmas morning. We wanted to enjoy it and not spend it slaving away in the kitchen. Everything turned out great and we really had an amazing day. I'm so grateful for all the wonderful family we have in our lives. We've had a very difficult year and all of them make use feel truly blessed! Merry Christmas to you :)

There's always next year.

This one is my moms!

This year for Christmas I was in a mad dash to get everything done in time. I had this really wonderful idea (from Pinterest of course) to make these awesome yarn ball wreaths for Christmas. But what I didn't realized is how time consuming they are. And of course I decided to make 7! I know, I know I'm crazy but honestly crafting is very calming for me. Even though this was a little much! I didn't think I was going to get them all done but I did and they turned out great. Good thing my little helper elf, Donnie did some of the yarn rolling ;) I think we have a new hobby :) 

Not the best picture but you get the drift :)

I also decided to do my gift wrapping a little different this year. Instead of the tradition name tag, I decided to print black and whites of whoever the gift was for and mod podge (elmers glue like substance) and use the picture as the gift tag! I think they turned out adorable and I'll probablt make that my "thing" that I do every year. How did I live before Pinterest?! So many great ideas to fill my ever so boring life :)

I did have a few fails this Christmas season though. Normally I would be able to get all of this done no problem but this year I think I put a little too much on my plate. 

First fail - 24 days of random acts of kindness. I had this amazing idea to do something random and kind for someone every day until Christmas. Under the circumstances, I feel extremely blessed this year. So many amazing people have been kind enough to help us whenever we have needed it and I feel like I've been doing a whole lot of taking and a whole lot of not giving. Also, I wanted to show my kids that Christmas is not about what you get it's about what you do for others that make the holidays special. Anyway, why this was such a fail, is because I only did about half of my days. I just didn't realized how much I actually had going on this month. And very time we went to do it, something happened; Brody fell and started crying, Mia fell asleep on the way there, we couldn't find where be needed to go. Oh well, I guess, there's always next year. 

Here are a few pictures of the kids doing some of our random acts of kindness!

Don't mind Brody's tears, he had just fallen on the playground.
Good thing he managed a smile for the picture ;)

Second fail - Marshmallow (our elf) never really moved. I moved him a couple times in the beginning then not at all after that. Brody never really noticed either so I kinda just forgot about the poor little guy. I feel so guilty because I had this big "Welcome, Marshmallow" breakfast and then he just sat on the table for 3 weeks. I even did Marshmallow as our family tradition at school. Oh man, I'm awful. I can't even move a freaking elf around :) Obviously I have too much going on haha. There's always next year!

Third Fail - Christmas cards. There has never been a year in my whole married life that I haven't sent out Christmas cards. I kept sitting down to do it but it just never happened. Every time I would go online to pick out a card and put a picture on it, i just wasn't feeling it so I would quit. Also, why the heck does everyone waste so much money sending cards to people they either never see or talk to or that they see and talk to all the time?! Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Christmas card hater but it makes me wonder. Ok, this sounds like I dislike getting cards, I actually love getting them, I can't wait to get the mail everyday to see who's in my mailbox. I'm just kinda bummed that I can't send everyone I know a picture of my beautiful kids :) Maybe I can send cards for Valentines Day,  now there's a thought!?! Probably won't get around to that either. Luckily, there's always next year!

Going, going, almost gone...

What the heck?! Christmas is already over. December literally feels like it flew by. Where to even begin..

Donnie and Me made it home late Wednesday night. He only needed to do 2 days of harvest, which was awesome. Every day he finished we were never sure until about 6 o'clock that night whether it was enough. But after his extraction on Wednesday we decided to go to a movie and wait for the call. We were really hoping that he would be done because we wanted to get the heck home. I had so much last minute Christmas stuff to get done and we missed the kids like crazy. Luckily for us, he was good to go and they got all the 5 million that they needed. We were just so glad he didn't have to be stuck in that out patient room another day. I've been in some bad rooms but that was the worst. There was just so much equipment packed in to this shoe box room that you literally could not move around! The first day I had to sit in a plastic stupid chair for the entire time. Not to complain but it was pretty bad. So, the next day I made sure I had a more comfortable chair, but the problem with that was that the only place it fit was in front of the bathroom, so I had to move the chair every time someone had to  use it. Which really wasn't that much because Donnie was hooked up to so many cords that he couldn't move from his bed so he had to pee in this urinal bottle thing. {haha he is gonna kill me for writing this} It was just not a very comfortable 2 days but we were glad that it was only 2 and not 4! We got home really late so we didn't see the kids till the morning but man, were we happy to see their sweet faces!

In other Donnie related news, his hair is finally falling out! We have been anticipating this for months but it just never seemed to happen. He's probably the only chemo patient I know with a full on beard. He's been complaining about his head being sore for probably the last week, so we knew it would be soon. Last night, I was rubbing his head and I wasn't really paying attention because I was talking on the phone but I eventually looked down and my hand was Covered in hair. The whole blanket had hair on it, it looked like a dog shedding ha ha! I could not believe it. I kept grabbing like a pinch of hair and it was just coming out. So crazy! So, today he shaved it all :( He was very depressed about shaving his very mature beard but it had to go. We couldn't have everything covered in hair. Poor guy! It's hard to see it all gone. He's a good sport though and who knows it might come back red ;)

BTW - He hates that I post pictures but oh well I love it :)

I'll make a Christmas post soon... Promise :)

Harvest.

I was goin to post when we got here but I was just now able to get the wifi to work. Anywho, we got here about 3pm on Monday and Donnie had to do some blood work and a chest X-ray before he started Tuesday morning. We did all that then headed to Aunt Lu's for dinner and to relax for the night. My uncle told me if we had to be at USC at 7am then we needed to leave the house at 5:30am.. Bleeehhh. So, we woke up at quarter to 5 and headed out soon after. Unfortunately for us we got there in a half hour. I say unfortunately because we were there so early the hospital wasn't even open so we sat in the car for a hour but whatever better early than late. He started with blood work then went upstairs to the outpatient rooms to start the stem cell harvest. He started about 9 and only that late because one of his catheter tubes were clotted so they had to use a vein for his blood return. It takes 5 hours from start to finish. They run his blood out of one tube and through this machine, take the stem cells out of the blood and then run the blood back into his body. It's quite a process. He need around 5 million stem cells harvested before he can be done. They told us they would call us around 6pm last night to tell us if he had enough but unfortunately they only collected half of what he needed.. So he had to come back again today to do another 5 hour harvest. I mean, he's actually doing pretty well. They said on average it takes 1 to 4 days to collect what they need and he was able to give them half in one day. Hopefully after today he will have enough and we can go home but we'll have to wait till tonight to find out! Wish us luck :)
On a side not.. The day we left both our kids woke up sick. Fun. I felt so bad for them. {and my mom} Mia had a bad first day and Brody has been coughing up a storm and they havent been sleeping very well at night. I just wish I were there, cause all kids want their mom when their sick. And I feel bad that my mom has to do it all. I swear, something always happens when I have to leave! I just miss my kiddos and I wish we were home! Plus, I have a boat load of Christmas stuff to finish... Ahhh relax, Alex, it will all get done. I have to just keep telling myself that he he :

Santa Schmanta.

So before I start with this story I want to say this is probably just as much my fault as it is Donnie's but here goes... I wrap and store all of the Christmas presents in our guest room. The kids never go in there unless I'm in there and I've only been going in there lately to wrap but I usually do that at night. So anyway, Yesterday Donnie went in there to wrap "some gifts" in the middle of the day and didnt lock the door. Well, I was busy cleaning and wasn't really paying attention to where the kids were at but apperently our little munchkins followed Donnie and sneaked in the door behind him. Between me leaving Brody's presents in plain sight and Donnie not being not aware of who was following him, Brody saw his "Santa" gifts. So, Donnie kicks him out of the room and he comes to me and says "mom, mom, I saw the scooby doo haunted mansion and the t-rex in the bedroom". I honestly could have fell over. I was searching for this fabulous lie I was going to tell to some how make it better because the scooby doo thing is literally the only thing he's been asking for. So I told him, "oh those aren't your presents they're Cooper's (his cousin)" Which in return makes him say, "Why would Cooper get the toys I asked Santa for?" Good question, Brody, I have no idea?! Even a four year old didn't believe my stupid excuse. I mean really, what do you say to that? So after him asking for about 2 hours if he could look at the gifts but not open them and after me saying no 500 times, he gave up. I never wrap his Santa gifts I always just leave them out by the tree for Christmas morning but now it's a little ruined. I mean if I leave those gifts out he's gonna be all like, Santa didn't leave those they were in the bedroom, I saw them. There goes the whole Santa theory. So, my idea of a solution is to trade gifts with my mom ha ha. She's gonna wrap the Santa gifts for her and I'm going to take her gift to put out from Santa. I mean really though!? I had these big magical plans of Brody running out on Christmas morning and seeing the scooby doo haunted mansion all set up and it was going to be so great. But now, I'm over it, Santa Schmanta.

Remembering Julie.

Today I remember, Julie, my Mother-in-Law. It has been one year today since she passed. I still can't believe it sometimes. I remember all of it like it was yesterday. She passed away from complication from chemo. {she's the reason Donnie and I chose the treatment we chose in the beginning} Julie was diagnosed with breast cancer and had surgery to remove the lumps. She was considered cancer free when they decided to do a couple cycles of preventative chemo. Well, that chemo caused a blood clot in her bowel and wound up rupturing her bowel on Thanksgiving day last year. After many surgeries, highs and lows, she went into cardiac arrest a couple weeks later. With the loss of oxygen to her brain, the doctors considered her brain dead and she was on full life support. I remember that day that Don, my father in law, decided to take her off life support like it was yesterday. I was at the hospital, with Amie, waiting for her son, Max to be born. It was such a bittersweet day for me. I was watching this life be born into the world at the same moment I was mourning one leaving this world. I can't tell you how much of a miracle watching a baby being born is. Unless you have experienced it, you will never understand how amazing it is. I have had two babies myself but I have never experienced it from the outside and trust me it is a beautiful thing! But my mind was never off of, Julie. I couldn't stop thinking of her sweet smile and her sarcasm that made her so much fun to be around. She was a safe harbor for me, especially in a family full of boys! We would gossip and laugh and go do girl stuff, and for that she will always be missed. For all that knew her, she was just Julie, she had a certain way about her that you just couldn't help but enjoy. And her love for Rock music and Golf is just a whole other topic :) There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. When I go to their house I wait for her to walk out of the back room, even though I know she won't, it's like I still wait. I couldn't have asked for a better mother in law and we lost her too soon. Today, I wanted to remember her not only in my mind but also in my words! Here's to you, Julie :)

All in one.

Between getting ready for Christmas and getting ready for our next trip to USC on Monday, I have been slacking on this ol' blog. I seriously have so much to talk about because alot has been going on. So, I'm just going to put it all in one post. Thanks to a another fav blog I read, she gave me this great idea. Quick, to the point updates. So here goes..

1) Donnie had to take a last minute trip to USC on Friday. We found out Thursday at 3pm, that they did not have all of his labs needed to procede with the stem cell harvest on Tuesday so he needed to go down there by Friday to get them done. He was literally having to fly all the way to USC to get blood drawn. Such a pain! But then they called me back and told me that since he was already going to be there, they wanted to just do his 2 bags of Chemo. I was able to find decent flight rates but he was going to have to go alone because I had no one for the kids. So he got there on Friday, did his blood, got admitted to the hospital and started his Chemo. He did fine, just bored! They discharged him so late on Saturday that he almost missed his returning flight. We were like planning all the scenarios; if you miss it, you can get a hotel room close {it was the last flight of the night}. I had already checked what hotels were available. Between getting discharged 2 hours before his flight, driving all the way from USC to LAX, the freeway entrance being closed, having to return a rental car, take a shuttle back to LAX, I think it is only a miracle that he made his flight, he even had 15 minutes to spare. Poor guy! Nobody wants to do that alone especially when you just got out of the hospital! Anyway, he arivved safe and sound! He has been feeling the Chemo a little more this time around. He was a lot more sick the few days after then he has been in the past. He still hasn't lost any hair though, it starting to be almost funny. Every time he does a cycle of chemo they  say you will definitely lose you hair and then he never does. Oh well, he's probably one of the only chemo patients with a full beard :) He is having to give himself shots everyday for his white count but other then that he's just chugging along. 

2) Since Donnie was going to USC on Friday and I could't go I decided to head to Cedar for the weekend with the kids. There was a special birthday party I wanted to go to and I wanted to take the kids to play in the snow and hang out with my mom. I haven't been to Cedar since 4th of July so I was a long overdue trip! My bestest, Amie had a 1st birthday party for her son, Max. I was so glad we were able to make it. The kids had a great time playing! This little boy will always have a special place in my heart. I watching him come in to this world and to me, there is nothing more awesome to experience! Mia and him are only 5 months apart so they are already great little playmates. 

We also got some snow time in! Brody hasn't been in the snow in forever and I don't think Mia ever has, so I was glad that Cedar had some while we were there! I had nothing for the kids to wear, in terms of "snow gear". So, we hit up the only place to shop in Cedar, Wal-Mart and got them all good to go! They both looked like little marshmallows. It may have been a little bit of over kill but at least they were warm. They both loved it. 

Me and Austin

While I was in Cedar, my mom was nice enough to watch my kids while my sister, Amie and me went out for some drinks. There is really only one place to go in Cedar but we don't see each other too often so we were up for anything. At the end of the night, we decided to stop by a friends house that I haven't seen in years, literally like 7 years. It was really great to see her because she has been a huge support for me through all of this Cancer stuff. Over the past year we have continually emailed. She went through a similar situation with her grandfather and over the past year we have really become good friend. She is a true pillar of strength! I was so happy to see her that night, even if most of it was spend learning how to dougie ;)

I had a great weekend, it was good for my mental health he he! 

{except for the speeding ticket I got on the way home}

Thanks a lot Utah!!!

3)I forgot to talk about how fab my mother is a couple weeks ago. So ya know when we had to go to USC for just the night so that we could do a little orientation... well, it was a long trip. Making those 24 hour trips are exhausting and by the time I was walking into our house I was beyond drained. I just wanted to relax and hang with the kids. But to my surprise I walking into a beautifully decorated Christmas tree {one that had not been there when we left} Thanks to my mom, she had put our whole tree up while I was gone. Most people would say... I like to put my tree up! And if it were any other year I might say the same thing, but not this year! I was so grateful that I didn't have to spend a whole day, that I didn't have, doing it.  This month has been chaotic so this was totally awesome that! Thanks mom :) We were able to spend the rest of the night playing with the train and just hanging with the kids. It was the best way to end the trip!

4) Tis the season... to give! We recieved a nice little suprise the other night from a mystery family. It was a box full of gifts, one to open each night till christmas! The kids just love it, they can't wait till it's dark to see what the next one is. It goes along with the 12 days of christmas, so each day has a different saying. Its super cute. There is always a little story that goes with each day {but I always wind up reading that to myself because the kids are too busy with the gift}. I think I might have them open the gift after the story?! I might have a better audience if they know they get something afterwards :) So far we have opened socks for both the kids, yummy chocolate turtles, pens for each of the kids and party poppers. I'm pretty sure these people know us because of the stuff we have opened, so I would like to thank them, if they're out there :) It really was so kind and generous. I love Christmas and the spirit of giving! 

All in one.

Between getting ready for Christmas and getting ready for our next trip to USC on Monday, I have been slacking on this ol' blog. I seriously have so much to talk about because alot has been going on. So, I'm just going to put it all in one post. Thanks to a another fav blog I read, she gave me this great idea. Quick, to the point updates. So here goes..

• 
  

There is nothing there.

Donnie, Donnie, Donnie what can I say about this guy! I can say a lot, but I'll start at the beginning. I've been trying to find out about his PET scan all week but I could't get Dr. Zhou to call me back. So, I called Tanya, our stem cell transplant coordinator at USC, to find out what the deal was. She told me that she was missing a bunch of lab work for Donnie and his PET scan. All of which she needs to start his chemo tomorrow. We went back and fourth calling Dr. Zhou and talking to her again and never really got anywhere. Finally by the end of the day she said she would call me in the morning to hopefully give me a update. But before she got off the phone she wanted me to facetime (iPhone term) her, so she could see what Donnie's catheter looked like. So I did and she was like OMG why doesn't he have a dressing on it. And I told her they never told us he needed to keep it on there. Long story short, apparently, this thing is suppose to be cleaned by a nurse once a week and re-bandaged, no showering with it. And here we are, cleaning it with a wet wash cloth and Donnie's shower with it. She literally gasped when she asked what I used to clean it with and I told her a wash cloth. I got so made that we saw 2 different nurses and they never told us any of that. Anyway, after all of that me and Donnie put a bandage on and we'll have the hospital nurse clean it tomorrow, but seriously, two nurses! Now today, I talked with Tanya this morning and she still was missing some stuff but she had the PET scan. I was like, oh you have the PET scan, I've been trying to call Dr. Zhou about it but I still haven't heard from him and she was like, he never told you about it. Well its amazing. I said amazing?? is it still there?? and she said no, there is nothing there! What?? I thought to myself, nothing. So I asked again, there's nothing?? and she said, nope! I honestly couldn't believe it. It was exactly what he needed, he needed nothing left to be able to do stem cell. It's an answered prayer! So, I'm sure you're wondering why still go on with stem cell if its gone? Well, in order to do stem cell they need stem cells that are not cancerous. Honestly, its the ideal situation to go into the transplant with no cancer. It gives him a better shot of him not regrowing cancer when they put them back in. This news was kind of bittersweet for me because yes, it is excellent news but our longest road is still ahead. Its like yayy, there's no cancer but we still have to do 2 more months of treatment and hospitals and doctors and shots and driving and missing our kids and waiting for normal. Sorry, for Debbie Downer but I'm a realist. I'm happy. I'm elated. I'm also thinking what lies ahead. And honestly I don't know if I'm ready for it. No choice though, right?! I want that guy healthy more than probably anything. We are just one step closer and I guess that's all I can do, is live in each step. Not think about the next one, just rejoice in this one! And this one is a pretty big, amazing one. I'm so proud of Donnie. He has done all of this {most} of the time with a smile on his face. Never complaining. Heck, I think I complain more than him. He has fought through this and he has such a positive attitude on the road still to come. I just couldn't imagine going through all of this with someone else. He has made this easier on me and our family just by being the sweet soul he is. As much as I hate cancer, it has given us a whole new appreciation for each other. A deeper understanding of, in sickness and in health. Today made me realize what he really accomplished. I may think about the upcoming journey in front of us but man, am I proud of him!

We are still waiting for Tanya to get labs, if she is unable to get what she needs tomorrow they will have to postpone his chemo a week. Which he was suppose to start tomorrow. She needs to have certain stuff before the harvest and the harvest has to be done exactly 10 days after Cytoxan (high dose chemo)  and they have to start harvest on a Monday so you get the drift... I'll update if he gets in tomorrow or not.

Thank you everyone for all the thoughts and prayers, they worked :)

Christmas Party.

We were able to get one shot in before
we left the house.

Donnie had a work Christmas party on Saturday! He was worried that we wouldn't be able to make it, because he didn't know how he would be feeling after his surgery for his catheter. But he was fine. So, of course we waited till last minute to find something to wear of course and by last minute I mean shopping at the mall a few hours before the actually party! Donnie is just so dang skinny that none of his nice clothes fit. {I mean not even a belt could make a 36 fit like a 30} Haha and if he's getting something, I have to! I do have to say we both looked pretty sharp, beard and all! Anyway, it was at Petra in Tivoli and it was beautiful. Donnie was really excited to go and see everyone from work that he hasn't seen in forever. He was excited to feel normal again and go to a party and talk about things other than him. And for me I pretty much live for a good party, a cocktail and a DJ :) I had all these grandiose plans of taking lots of pictures and post all about them, until my camera died after the first one.. Uggh! So, I have 2 pictures and they are compliments of Matt's camera phone. All in all we had a great time and it was nice to get out and just enjoy ourselves. 

Matt and Us

At least I had some documentation that we were there that night!

Elf on the Shelf.

This morning, we did our first Elf on the Shelf breakfast {thank you Pinterest}. Pretty sure I went a little over board but the look on Brody's face was worth all the work! I really love the thought of Santa and his elves. I love the imagination it takes to truly believe in him. I believe in teaching my kids things that take faith not sight; whether that be Santa or God or Love. I think Santa prepares them for a time in their lives when they will have to just go with their heart and not always with their mind! Plus, it's fun! Who doesn't love watching their kids run to the Christmas tree Christmas morning to see what Santa brought?! It warms my heart and I would much rather Santa get credit than me because I would never get the same reaction.
I spent most of last night setting it all up. I wanted it to be extra special; I bought mugs and plates and decor and of course, we had our Elf. If you haven't ever hear about Elf on the Shelf read this What is Elf on the shelf??. Our Elf had to have a grand first morning. I baked some really yummy treats this morning before everyone woke up. 

This is what the kids woke up to. I had French toast, cut into Christmas shapes, Snow covered donuts and these yummy roll things with marshmallows and chocolate chips, another thanks to Pinterest. Here's the recipe but I replaced PB with chocolate chips. I probably could have ate 20. Oh, and don't forget the hot cocoa. I also had a bag for each of them with socks, crayons and some other special gift just for them. I put a large coloring book and Santa hat on their chair too. I am just so happy that Brody was as trilled as I had hoped. And Yes, Mia was there too but really all she cared about was the food :) 


I found this really great letter online that I could add a few key words to to make it personalized to him. He got such a kick out of it. He could not figure out how Santa knew exactly what he wanted :)

BTW.. I totally know how to spell but they only allowed for so many characters. hehe

I read the Elf on the Shelf book to them and then we named our Elf. His name is Marshmallow, probably because Brody was currently eating a marshmallow when I asked him to pick out a name. So, he is our Marshmallow and I can't wait to see where he pops up every morning ;) All in all it was such a great morning. I felt like my kids deserved a morning where all our attention was on them. There were no babysitters, no phone calls, no doctors appointments to rush off to, just them being kids and us enjoying it. So, it goes without saying, we are in full blown Christmas mode over here :)

On our way...

This is just typical of my life, I guess (even though my mom always says its not just me, it's just life, but I swear, stuff like this always happens to me) Anyway, we were suppose to leave on Sunday for USC but unfortunately to threw out my neck. I don't know who that actually happens to but it was really great especially when we were suppose to leave in a few hours. I woke up that morning fine, made breakfast, had a cup of coffee but as I was sitting on the couch I looked down to talk to Mia and bam, my neck got this excruciating pain and then I couldn't move it! I made the kids go wake up Donnie because I honestly could not move my neck or head or left arm without having shooting pain. Needless to say, I was laid out on the couch all day and even had to have my mom pick me up a neck brace. Attractive, I know! We decided to wait to the morning to leave, in hopes that I would be feeling better. Which actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise because traffic the Sunday after Thanksgiving was pretty much 

a parking lot!

We left about 6am on Monday and my neck felt almost completely better, I just couldn't make any fast moves ;) The drive went by fast, we even got there 2 hours before his appointment, so we were able to enjoy a nice, kid-free lunch. Lucky us :) At his appointment, we met with Dr. Morbacher first. She was very pleased with the progress Donnie has made so far. Donnie weighed a whopping 169 lbs. too. He was about 150 lbs. when he started his first cycle. We also, met with the stem cell transplant coordinator. She went over Donnie's calendar with us, what to expect for the next couple months. If Donnie's PET scan shows progress of 80% or more, then he will be able to begin the process of stem cell immediately. He had his PET scan yesterday so we will know result by Monday. If all goes as planned, he will receive two high dose chemo bags starting next Thursday. One every 12 hours. It will be inpatient so he'll be admitted Wednesday night and discharged on Friday. After he is discharged he will have to give himself Neupogen shots once a day till his stem cell harvest on the 19th. The Neupogen shots help him stimulate white blood cell production. On the 19th, he will go in for the stem cell harvest. They said it will take any where from 1 to 4 days depending on how many stem cells they can collect each day and that all depends on the individual. They need 5 million but they said Donnie is young and healthy so it shouldn't take long. They do the harvest from 7am-3pm then he can leave. They test it and if he has enough, he can go home but if he doesn't he has to go back the next day. I'm just glad that they were able to work to where even if he takes all four days he will still be home in time for Christmas! Then on the 28th, he goes back to USC for the 3 week hospital stay to do the actual stem cell transplant. This is a pretty vague overview but as things start to happen I will go a little bit more into detail. And heck, this could all change by the time it all rolls around. I'm just glad to have something in writing to where I can kinda plan some stuff.

It is going to be a crazy couple months but I a just so ready to have all this behind us. We are ready to start enjoying this life we have together and not just trying to get through the day. I wish that we weren't having to do all this smack dab in the middle of all the holidays but oh well, as is life! He is on his way though, to FULL recovery!

PS-Look at this nice little piece of equipment they added to Donnie's chest. (needed for the stem cell harvest) Donnie will be so elated as soon as all the ports and catheters and cords are permanently removed, he actually talks about that daily ;)

Gobble, Gobble.

Thanksgiving was amazing this year. I think it was so much better then in years past because I had Donnie there. Not that I haven't had him there before but I just didn't know if he'd be in the hospital this year. He's been in and out of the hospital so much and the dates are never for sure until he's there, that I was afraid we would be with out him. So, I was thankful that we all were able to spend it together. I come from a very large ( loud ;) Italian family and we always spend the holidays together. This year it was at my Aunt Row's house {you're welcome for volunteering you}. The last couple years, if we haven't been at my mom's we've had everything at my house, but I was happy to let another relative enjoy hosting our family ;) All kidding aside, we all had a wonderful time! I am so incredibly grateful for my entire family, they have definitely made all the difference during this hard time for us. I have so much to be thankful for this year! Sometimes, I get down and out, and I wonder why all of this is happening to us, but then I remember that there is so much to be thankful for. And to be honest, we have a whole lot! I have learned that it's not the things you have, it's the relationships that make you truly blessed. And I feel blessed! Happy Thanksgiving everyone, I hope you found a reason to be thankful this year :)

Picture over-load!

2 down...

I guess I haven't talked about Donnie much lately, but I haven't really needed too. He has been doing really well. He was able to come home like they said on the 18th, which was great! We were happy to have him home and he was happy to be home. He was getting so sick of the hospital the last few days, more sick of it then the last time. He was a lot more sick the last time so he didn't mind it as much because he just laid around and slept. This time though, he felt good, for the most part he was feeling pretty normal. He wasn't nearly as sick and his headaches stayed to a minimum. So he couldn't wait to step out of there. At his post hospital check-up, the Dr. said his blood work looked great... which is a relief because his white counts were so low when he was admitted. Donnie seems to be responding well to the treatment and honestly he is getting through this incredibly. It's funny because we have been waiting for his hair to fall out, but it just hasn't yet. He is growing quite the impressive beard too. Everyday I'm like has any fallen out. Ha ha. They said he would for sure lose it but he hasn't so I don't know. I guess that's a good thing though! Anyway, two cycles down, hopefully only stem cell left to go!!

We leave for USC tomorrow for an appointment on Monday. He needs to get a few things done before we can get the ball rolling for the stem cell transplant. I'm not really sure what to expect when we get there. They said he would need to get some tests done, meet with a social worker and see Dr. Morbacher. I'll post the details once we get back. The day after we get back, Donnie will have a PET scan done. So we will know exactly what kind of progress he is making. Then the day after that on the 1st, he has to have a catheter placed into a vein in his chest. They do that because when the do the stem cell harvesting they need tubing big enough for the stem cells to go through in tact. And his port catheter is too small. So the moral to that long drawn out story is... we will be having a busy month :) Dates change so frequently with him, that I always plan something and then they wind up rescheduling. So, I try not to plan anymore or expect things to happen when they are suppose to. It's just kinda the way it is right now. Oh well, at least he's been feeling good, that's all I can ask for, right?! He even hung Christmas lights yesterday, man, he's a trooper!

This Girl.

Mia is a handful. She is our sour then sweet. She is so naughty sometimes but it is so hard to ever be mad at her because she is just so cute. The other day while I was washing dishes, I was watching the kids play in the living room. About 30 seconds later I noticed that Mia disappeared. I called her name for her to come but she never did, so I turned off the water and went to look for her. She is normally a couple places; in the hall bathroom, Brody's room or in her room pulling all the wipes out. But this time I rounded the corner to find her sitting on the computer chair. Innocent enough, right?! Guess wrong. She was sitting on the chair with a whole mound of M&Ms between her legs, chowing down. She must have found my stash from one of my late night computer binges ;) And she was having a ball! I could not get mad at her, her face was just too precious but I did manage to get a few pictures to capture the moment. Brody decided to join in as well, I mean can you blame him, who see's a whole pile of M&Ms and doesn't help themselves?? This girl, she is just the sweetest little trouble maker. I can't imagine raising two kids and have them turning out so different. But my two are. They are as opposite as they come, but that's what makes them them! These pictures are definitely worth a thousand words.

I guess I haven't talked about Donnie much lately, but I havent really needed too. He has been doing really well.

Double Trouble.

My all time fav picture.
{sorry for the picture quality}

It was my mom and my aunts' birthday on Monday (they are twins btw ;) We went out to dinner on Friday to celebrate at Yard House, yumm! I have always been so close not only to my mom but also my Aunt Row {real name: Rose} I've been calling her that since I can remember. Actually, I think I called her Rowie more when I was little but it has evolved into Row, anyway, to make a long story long blehh. I have some old pictures of them and I just love them and always have, so I wanted to post a little something about them because both of them are such a huge part of my life. Row is like a mom to me, always has been. She's the comedian, she's the one that makes our crazy family not so crazy at times. She's been right beside me during every major event or accomplishment in my life; the birth of my children, my graduation, my wedding, garage sales ;)

Aunt Row and My Mom

Looks like their 5th birthday, with my Granny!

 I'm just glad that I get to have her in my life because it definitely wouldn't be the same without her in it!

 Last but not least, baby B... My mom, Effie, formally known as Ethel. Her and my aunt are about as close as two people could be. They are constantly laughing and that is the one thing I will always remember about the two of them. The do have different personalities but I guess that's why they get along so well, they balance each other out. My mom and me have always been close as well, but we definitely have highs and we have lows. We are extremely different people. But over the years I think we are learning from each other. She has a never ending love, that I admire. She's always been there for me whenever I need her and over the past few months I have needed her more than ever. She puts her family above anything else and I couldn't imagine this world without her as my mother. She has been so great lately helping get me through all this Cancer stuff. She literally has my kids all day for days and does it with a smile on her face. Both of these two make my life better and I just want to thank them for getting me through. I'm sure you both never thought bratty little Alex would be where she is today ;) Happy Birthday Mom and Rowie!! Love you both :)

Birthday Dinner!
They are goning to kill me once they see that I posted this picture of them,
but this is just them, captured their relationship!

PS- Yes, I have bangs now. I guess you could call it a quarter life crisis, but can you blame me?!?

A Rut.

I've been having the hardest time blogging lately. I just never feel like it. I don't know if it's because I'm low on energy or because I find something else to do with the few minutes I have to spare or that the last thing I feel like doing is talking about life. Honestly, I have come to this computer several times this week to blog, but I always just wind up checking emails I never reply to or sorting through 2 weeks worth of mail. Life just feels so out of sorts right now. I sometimes feel like I'm in control of nothing. Like I just get through, bare minimum. I worry about today and nothing else. Donnie went back to the hospital on Wednesday and I swear I live there. I'm grateful that I have my mom here to watch my kids because I wouldn't be able to be there as much if she didn't, but I'm stretched thin. I'm always running from one place to another. Some days I so badly wish we were "normal" again; spending our free days at the park and having dinner as a family at night and going on vacations.  I miss being organized and thoughtful. I feel as if I live in such chaos. I never respond to emails, play dates are rare, family dinners long gone, and if I get to put my my kids to bed more times than less in a week, I'm elated. I'm in a rut lately, I guess. I just miss having our little family together all the time. I'm done now, I'll quit with the pity party. Thank you for listening, I needed that!

On to Donnie :) He went back to the hospital on Wednesday night, with plans to start Chemo in the morning, he wasn't however able to. His white count (ANC) was very low, it was in the 800 range and normal range is 2500 or above. So, they had to give him injections to increase his white count before they could start the chemo, because the chemo will just lower it more. Donnie was able to get his counts back up to normal range by the next day.. Go Don! So they were able to start everything yesterday. They also did another Intrathecal (spine chemo) yesterday. He will get another one on the 7th day and then he should be able to go home the next day (18th). He is doing good though, just chugging along. He can already tell that the treatments are working because he is almost in no pain anymore. His face use to kill him, it use to cause him so much pain from the mass pushing on nerves and his eye. He has just a little bit of numbness now but for the most part the pain is gone. So, that must mean the lump is shrinking right?! We think so. He will have another PET scan after this cycle and we will find out for sure. Can't wait for him to be home though!

In other news...

Donnie has been doing really good lately.

 He had a post hospital check-up on Monday with his Oncologist and it went well. Dr. Zhou said that all of his blood work looks well and that he never turned Neutropenic, which is great! Donnie seems like he is responding well to treatment; his lumps in his neck you can barely feel and his face is in a lot less pain. He will have to still do 6 cycles of this treatment, one every 21 days. So from the first day of the last chemo cycle till the first day of the next one is how they calculate the 21 days. So it kinda works out as 10 days at the hospital, 10 days home, 10 days at the hospital, 10 days home and so on for 6 times. It feels a little overwhelming but if it makes him better, what's 5 months out of our life?! Even though it feels like we've been dealing with this forever. After the 2nd cycle he will have a PET scan to see how much progress he has made. He can't get that soon enough, we want to compare so badly his last one to that one. We like to hope that it's helping but until you see it in black and white, it's hard to trust that it is! Today, he went in to have a Port placed in him. It's a minor surgery but he did have to be put under to have it done. A Port, is a like a small catheter, that is placed under the skin right under the collar bone. It is connected to a vein so that it's easier for receiving chemo and taking blood. Most cancer patients get them because they get poked so much, so this eliminates some of that discomfort. The nurse can do everything she need right through there, plus it leaves their hands and arms free of needles and tubes. Donnie was poked so often at the hospital, that he had track marks and bruising all up this arms. I mean he was getting blood taken twice a day and he had to have his tubing changed every 3 days, so it was a lot. They gave him a PICC line midway through the last cycle, which is kinda the same as a port but more temporary and way more annoying, because that is placed on the inside of the arm. They removed it when he was discharged so this was the next step for something more permanent. 

Other than all of that, Donnie has been doing surprisingly well. For the most part, he is back to himself. He still has a little pain in his face and he sometimes becomes nauseous, but that's about it. He's still skinny as a rail but I can deal with that :) He has been eating pretty good, I've turned into a typical Italian mother, I feel like I'm constantly telling him to eat something. He just needs to keep as much weight on as he can before he goes back again for his next round of chemo. The last time he was there, he left 10 pounds lighter then when he went in.. boo! So he needs to have the 10 pounds to be able to lose for the next time. Speaking of the next time, if all goes as planned he will be back at Mountain View on Wednesday, for his next 10 days. Cycle 2. I'm sure it will feel like Deja Vu but it's one cycle closer to the end and that's what we cannot wait for!

Go, Brody, Go.

This morning, Brody had his annual Learning is Child's Play 1mile/5k/10k race for his school! 

*Flashback to Last Year* 
It was his very first race and I was so excited, but him not so much. I invited my parents, my aunt and uncle and cousin to join us. We were all decked out in our race shirts and we were ready. We waited at the start line for them to yell go and then we were off. Well, as fabulous as that sounds it wasn't :) Brody started cry right out of the gate. He DID NOT want to race, he didn't want to run with his friends, he did not want a medal, he wanted no part of this "FUNrun". Long story short we all switched off carrying him and he cried the entire time! 
Not the best day we ever had. 

So, this year I was a little worried. I waited till the last minute to register him, because I didn't know if we would be able to make it. When I woke up, I looked outside and it was blowing wind and 45 degrees. I didn't want to take Mia in it, so I decided to drop her off at my grandparents. Actually Donnie dropped her off before his surgery (details in other post). It was just me and Brody and he was beyond excited to get to his race. He was the exact opposite as last year, so it made me really glad I decide to register him! I figured I'd go about a half hour early so I could get his shirt and packet. When we got there, I was surprised by all the people that were already there. Little did I know the race started at 8AM not 9AM, it was now 8:35am. Seriously?! How am I such a space cadet?? I was wondering why everyone was looking at me weird when I come strolling in 30 minutes late! Needless to say, Brody and me were still able to run it and he still received his medal. I felt so bad for him because he had to do it alone, without all his friends, which I think is the best part about it. He was just fine though, he had a great time and was so excited. A total 180 from last year. Leave it to me. Sorry, Brody, that you have a mom that obviously doesn't pay attention very much :) If we are being honest, I felt like a loser. Everyone was leaving and we are like cruisin' in. Anyway, I guess all that matters is that we had fun, and we did. Brody is still talking about it. I love that he says "Mom, everyone got a medal, so that means everyone won" It was all about having fun!

Mask Day.

Last week I worked in Brody's class and it just so happened to also be Mystery Mask Day. I was sick of being at the hospital at that point, and what's better than hangin' with 4 year olds all morning?! It was nice to just get away from the monotony of the hospital and just play. I was so glad that my working day happened to fall on Mystery Mask Day. The kids were so funny in their masks, all were unique to their cute little personalities! Brody designed his all himself, he just told me where to hot glue gun it. I created one for myself as well, but failed to capture it in a picture, oh well. Half way through the day all the kids put on their masks and went from class to class as the mystery guests, it was very cute. All the other kids loved trying to guess who they were. I love the pure innocence of children; How they are so quick to forgive, so easy to make laugh, so excited about things that us adults take for granted. Those little ones sure are amazing and they all have a special little place in my heart! And that Brody, well he sure has blossomed over that last couple years. I feel like he is growing up so fast and I'm afraid I'm not remembering it enough or taking enough pictures. I just want to cherish everything because it sure is going by fast!

Trick or Treat.

Halloween crept up on me fast this year. I swear, I felt like I had weeks left to get ready for it but instead I was rushing to Target on Sunday to get candy. We had some of my family over that night to have dinner and go trick or treating. We had a really great time! I have a ton of family and we are always together, it makes the holiday more fun (well, sometimes ;) I was so glad that Donnie was able to be here this year, because I thought that he was still going to be at the hospital. It made the night so much better to have him around. Him being at the hospital so much makes me feel so grateful for the times we do have him here. It's like I appreciate it so much more than usual. Anyway, the kids loved dressing up and trick or treating. Brody was Darth Vader and Mia was Snow White. I ordered their costumes like 2 months ago. I wanted Disney-ish themed costumes, because we were suppose to wear them to Disneyland for Mickey's Halloween Party. We were suppose to go 2 weeks ago but because of everything with Donnie, we had to cancel it. But anyway, I still thought they were perfect costumes for them. Brody loved his, except for the mask and the cape oh yeah and the light-saber. This boy, he always find something wrong with everything. He loved his costume but hated everything that went with it. The novelty also wore off because he's been wearing it for 2 months! He looked adorable though and he was a good sport when it can to taking pictures. Mia was adorable and probably would have been in any costume. She's just so happy all the time that its hard to not think she is just so precious. You should have seen her trick or treating, she absolutely loved it. She was literally running from door to door. She would not let anyone hold her or sit in the wagon, she just wanted to go. It was so fun to watch her having such a great time. She did however take a turn for the worst, when in my lapse of judgement I let her have a huge tootsie pop. She got mean, Fast! And Donnie was a zombie, which worked out well for him, since hes so skinny and pale hehe. He just needed some makeup and a ripped up shirt and he could have been confused for an extra on The Walking Dead :)  All in all we had a wonderful Halloween, can't believe Thanksgiving is next. Where are the days going?!

Freedom at Last.

Today, Donnie made his first appearance in public. (He He not really, but it sure feels like it). We went to the park! It was such a beautiful day and the kids were going stir crazy. My mom, Donnie, Brody, Cooper, Mia and me headed to the park. I thought what better than to lay a blanket in the shade, talk and just relax... and that we did. It was perfect out too. Brody and his cousin, Cooper played their little hearts out and Mia, well she played a little but she mostly just ate. This girl eats like crazy. Yes, that is her in the Chex mix bag! She
 loves her dad though, she just kept coming back to lay on him and hang out. I use to take the kids at least twice a week to the park but with everything going on lately, we just don't go as much. So it was just nice to forget everything and just enjoy the day. We had a really great time and I was glad Donnie felt good enough to go! We love having daddy back :)