Freedom at Last.

Today, Donnie made his first appearance in public. (He He not really, but it sure feels like it). We went to the park! It was such a beautiful day and the kids were going stir crazy. My mom, Donnie, Brody, Cooper, Mia and me headed to the park. I thought what better than to lay a blanket in the shade, talk and just relax... and that we did. It was perfect out too. Brody and his cousin, Cooper played their little hearts out and Mia, well she played a little but she mostly just ate. This girl eats like crazy. Yes, that is her in the Chex mix bag! She
 loves her dad though, she just kept coming back to lay on him and hang out. I use to take the kids at least twice a week to the park but with everything going on lately, we just don't go as much. So it was just nice to forget everything and just enjoy the day. We had a really great time and I was glad Donnie felt good enough to go! We love having daddy back :)

Better early than Late.

Donnie was able to be released from the hospital a few days early. They discharged him late yesterday afternoon. His blood work has been really good and he never turned Neutropenic, so there was no reason to keep him any longer. The few days before they released him, he was feeling pretty crappy. Just like nausea and headaches and usually chemo after effects. The day he was released he did feel a little better, he was just having headaches; those are sometimes caused by the Intrathecal spine chemo they gave him on Thursday night! Regardless, he was well enough to be able to leave. He was so happy too be home and the kids were so excited to see him walk through the door. 

I dropped him off at home and left to go pick up his Rx's that we had dropped off before we came home. When I got there, the pharmacist told me that the doctor never dated any of his Rx's, she was able to verify some over the phone but his pain pills he had to have an actual prescription for. He told me that I need to go back to the hospital, get a brand new Rx and then they would be able to refill it. Uggh, are you kidding me?! I just had come from the hospital and now I have to go all the way back. So I went and found his nurse from earlier and we spent 20 minutes tracking down the Doctor. Which was surprising that we did, because it was 6:30 on a Saturday night! Luckily we did and I headed to the only 24 hour CVS pharmacy (all the other ones close @ 6). I waited in line for 45 minutes. Yes, 45 minutes. I guess when they are the only pharmacy open, they get a little busy. I was so glad that I was able to get his Rx because his head has been hurting him so bad that I didn't know how he was going to be able to sleep that night. That was until the pharmacist told me that the doctor never wrote the strength on the Rx so he wouldn't be able to fill it! Seriously? I could have totally punched him if he wasn't behind a window and I wasn't in my car. But I did debate driving my car through the building :) He told me that he would have to get a hold of the doctor and have her verify the strength and I wouldn't have to get a whole new Rx. He said he probably wouldn't have time to do it til the morning, so sorry! I was so annoyed it had already been a hour and a half since I tried to pick it up the first time and now I'm going home completely empty handed. I was frustrated to say the least. But while I was driving home, I thought I would just try to call Donnie's nurse and see if she was still there (it was 7:30 and that's when she gets off) Good thing for me she was still there *side note on nurses further on* and she tracked down the doctor again. She was able to call it in and I was able to pick it up not too long after! I was just glad that he was able to have it for the night but it was a very long day to say the least. It was all worth it though to have Donnie in bed next to me when it was all over. We missed him like crazy and we are just glad we get to kiss him and hug him and talk to him whenever we want :)

Nurse Side Note: Umm nurses are pretty much amazing. I never really appreciated nurses or even liked them for that matter. I always thought most of them were crabby and old. But over these last couple weeks, I have learned to truly admire what they do. They are the ones that keep people alive, they are the ones that got my husband through. They are there every minute of the day making sure that he is ok and taken care of. And honestly he had some of the best nurses this time. They were always there way past their time to leave, most of the time never getting a lunch. They ran around like crazy, doing the job of probably 4. I just have a completely new appreciation for them. So go hug a nurse today ;)

Big Girl Panties.

Over the last 10 days that Donnie has been at the hospital, I have:

-Put more miles on my car, driving back and forth to the hospital, than I thought possible.
-Not eaten a single healthy meal. Only meals I can eat while walking/driving/cleaning/driving/talking/driving.
-Watched way too much late night TV.
-Drank way too much coffee.
-Taught myself how to start the air compressor and fill ALL four of my tires. Something that I have never done, because before I had a husband, I had a father.
-Changed numerous lightbulbs.
-Killed a LIVE roach (with the help of my sister)
-Learned the importance of true family, because they are the ones getting me through right now.
-Missed my kids way too much.
-Missed my husband way too much.
-Developed this weird 24/7 eye twitch.
-Slept less than when I had a newborn.
-Let my house turn into a episode of Hoarders ;)
-Finally decorated for Halloween, I couldn't let Brody be the only kid in his class without a decorated house!

I have learned that some days you just have to put your big girl panties on and do stuff you don't feel like doing. I have very bad days where I think I won't to able to do it all, but today I feel strong and capable and proud of myself for just making it through the day. But as capable as I feel, I do miss having my husband around to do all the crappy stuff I don't like doing ;)

Pumpkin Carving.

I left the hospital at about noon today, did some grocery shopping and then headed home. Donnie has been extremely tired and wore out, so most of the time I just watch him sleep. So I decided to leave for a little while and spend some time with the kids. I really miss just being at home with them all day, so I wanted to do something fun while I was at home. I have been meaning to carve pumpkins with them for awhile now but we just haven't yet. I thought today would be the perfect day to do it, because it actually felt like fall today :) I thought carving pumpkins would be rainbows and butterflies and the kids would jump around in excitement... boy, was I wrong. First, Brody didn't want to take anything out of the pumpkin because he said it was disgusting, then he cried almost the whole time because he couldn't poke the holes exactly on the line. I told him that he was doing a good job staying on the line but him being the perfectionist he is couldn't take it. Then once all the holes were poked he cried because he wasn't strong enough to saw through the pumpkin, so he gave up :( Makes me so sad when he feels so frustrated when he can't do something! But man was carving that pumpkin exhausting, needless to say I pretty much did the whole thing alone. He did enjoy wearing the bucket that I was putting all the seeds in on his head and unraveling all the tape used to hold the paper on the pumpkin. At least he got some joy out of something! Mia on the other hand loved playing with all the insides of the pumpkin and posed for all the pictures with the finished product! Man do I have two polar opposite kids :) Brody was very excited after he saw the whole thing completed, he would much rather me do all the work and him enjoy the end product! I was glad that I was able to have some time to spend with them today and do that, love those little kiddos!

Half Way.

Donnie has officially made it half way, he starts day 7 tomorrow! He finished his last bag of chemo late last night. Donnie had four different kinds of chemo over the last 5 days. His first bag was Rituxan on Thursday for about four hours. Once that was done, he received his first of four 24 hour bags, one every day for four days. Once every 24 hour bag was done they gave him another bag of chemo, which lasted about a hour, then another 24 hour bag. After the last of all those bags, he had one last bag, that lasted about two hours. He finished that one at about 4:30 this morning. Donnie is just on a IV bag for hydration right now until he is discharged. He has one more Intrathecal Prophylactic Treatment on Thursday and then he's done with chemo for this stay. The doctor complimented him on how well he has been doing. He said if he was a older man he would probably be bed ridden, but Donnie for the most part has been doing pretty well. He's still able to get up and keep food down. He has been feeling pretty tired lately and just run down and his face still hurts him but that's to be expected with this whole process! I admire that he keeps such a calmness about him amongst all this uncertainty. He will still smile his sweet smile, no matter how bad he feels. He's quite the fighter!

He has had many visitors lately, yesterday was especially busy! One batch of visitors were some of his bosses from work who paid him a visit with a DVD player and DVDs in tow, which was really great for Donnie because it gets pretty boring in that room. It was a nice surprise for him and the nurses too, they certainly didn't mind all those boys in uniform hanging around ;) Also, I brought the kids to see him today. I really wasn't suppose to but his white count has been really good and in a few days it's not going to be. The nurse also said that it would be fine today, so I did. They just miss him so much and he misses them like crazy too. We skype with him every night and almost every morning but it's just not the same. Mia was just so excited to see him, she didn't want to leave his side she just laid on him and cuddled. Brody on the other had was happy to see him, but I think he was more interested in the bed buttons :) They were both so glad to see their daddy. It will be a whole week before they will get to again so I'm happy they were able to get a little visit in. I don't know how military families do it. We were fortunate enough that Donnie never was deployed, but honestly I can't imagine. It's so hard to be away from him now and I still get to see him every day. I just miss having a partner. When you get married, you have this forever partner. Someone that you share everything with. Someone that shares all your highs and lows. Someone to go to bed with at night, and man is our bed lonely without him in it. I just really miss that companionship and I know the kids miss their daddy. I'm just trying to get through this last week and not think about having to do this every 21 days, ugghh one day at a time!

Just a couple pictures of him with the kids :)

Elevator.

This is a ridiculous, almost pointless post but I'm just watching Donnie sleep right now so I mine as well write something. I ride up and down the elevator like 10 times a day now. So in my many rides I have come to realize that elevators are so uncomfortable. I mean really, everyone just stands there and doesn't say anything, while staring straight ahead waiting for the door to slide open. I always want to talk but then I don't know what to talk about, so I wind up just staring at my feet. Who the heck does that? And then there are those people that get in and can't stop talking and now you're wishing your floor wasn't so high! I think maybe music would help but no music here. Wouldn't it be so much better if you could jam out to Rihanna so you wouldn't feel so weird staring at a door in complete silence. I actually had a communications professor tell us one time to walk into a elevator and not turn around and look at the door and see what happens. Ha I never was brave enough to actually do that but it's food for thought. I talk a lot and I would consider myself very friendly, but there is just something about being stuck in a small box with a bunch of random people in total silence that is just so awkward! Whatever, I'll never change, elevators are uncomfortable and when I go down it again in 3 hours I'll be wishing Umbrella, Ella, Ella was on :)

PS- Donnie is doing fine today, he slept well last night and has been in good spirits. He's been pretty tired but that's expected. Day 3 is going good, only 11 more to go :)

Good Day.

Today was a good day for Donnie. He was up and about and feeling pretty good. A lot of visitors came to see him today which was great because then he wasn't as bored. It made his day go by a little bit faster. I didn't get here till about 11:30am because I wanted to spend some time with the kids this morning. I was gone most of the day yesterday and I was missing them. I'm use to being with them constantly and them with me but lately between doctors appointments and now this, I just don't see them as much. Which makes me sad, almost guilty. Sometimes I just feel like I'm spread too thin. Yesterday if I wasn't in the car I was at the hospital and if I wasn't at the hospital I was taking Brody to and from school. It just feels like most days are like that lately. I want to be with Donnie but I want to be home with them too. Kinda sucks but Donnie needs me and those kids our resilient and they'll be just fine. I just wish I could be everywhere at once sometimes. Anyway, enough of my bitch session. I'm happy that my husband is having a good day and that my kids are with people that love them!

Speaking of my kids, Now that all my family has been pitching in to watch the kids during the day, Brody has been saying, "when are the babysitters coming?"haha like they are some strange people that he doesn't know coming to watch him. He seriously thinks its like the greatest thing ever, he loves it! It's like a mystery game, who's coming over next? Funny boy.

Donnie had his Intrathecal Prophylactic Treatment at 6:30pm tonight, it was suppose to be at 3:30 but it was really hard to coordinate all the doctors to be there at the same time. They had to have Donnie's Oncologist, an Anesthesiologist and a nurse. The Anesthesiologist had to give him the anesthesia and remove the fluids for the lab and his Oncologist had to administer the chemo. They just inject the chemo through a needle in his spine. Donnie said it wasn't too painful it was just a really uncomfortable pressure but he did fine and it was over in about a half hour. They also left out the part that he had to lay flat on his side for 4 hours, which was kind of a bummer. He missed dinner because his procedure was originally suppose to be at 6. So he didn't order dinner because they would have brought it right in the middle and he wasn't hungry earlier so I decided to just go grab Panera for him after. which was kinda more me than him wanting it ;) If we would of known he had to lay flat he probably would have just ate before because it was a little difficult to eat laying down but he was fine, he was nice and full :) We were also planning on watching a movie together but since he couldn't really face the TV, I decided to go home and let him go to bed early. He needs it. They were starting him on another bag of chemo anyway with some Benadryl as well (his favorite) so after all that I knew it would be easier for him to fall asleep. I felt bad for him when I left, he just looked so uncomfortable! I hope that he was able to sleep, I'll find out tomorrow! Goodnight all :)

Home away from Home.

Well it's not really a home per say but it will do. Donnie finally got admitted to Mountain View Hospital last night at like 8pm. The hospital was super busy so they haven't had any rooms available but yesterday I finally was fed up so I called Dr. Zhou. He made a couple phone calls and was able to get him put on the top of the wait list. Since he had a patient discharging in a few hours, Donnie was able to get that room. Donnie settled in and they took blood, gave him his meds and started him on a IV for hydration. I stayed for awhile and we just layed in bed and watched tv. I felt bad for him I didn't want to leave him. The hospital just sucks; it's noisy and uncomfortable. He misses the kids too, the thought of not being able to see them for 2 weeks is hard for him. I have a huge dry erase board at my house with all my family scheduled in for babysitting. It's pretty funny actually, I'm always like, did you check the board for your shift? haha. It's going to be really hard for Donnie to stay positive at the hospital, that's why I'm trying to be there as much as I can to keep him company and get his mind off stuff. Nobody wants to sit in a room alone! They are suppose to start his first day of chemo today at 11. They already have done a EKG, a chest X-ray and a few blood draws, so he should be good to go. We are just hanging out right now, I'm blogging and he just got all his pre-chemo meds and some Benadryl, which he hates because it makes him feel weird :) Poor guy!
Also, the hospitals vistor policy is pretty lenient, he is allowed visitors whenever! I mean if you do want to come and see him just don't come too early or too late. Also, no kids, please don't come sick and wash you hands :) He's in room 312 level 3. He would love to have some visitors, it gets pretty lonely in there and I'm sure I'm not a very exciting visitor anymore :) Please keep him in your prayers, he needs them now more than ever. Staying positive and strong is a constant uphill battle and God is the only way he can get through this!

Waiting.

The last time I left you we were planning on doing RICE down here in Vegas, but as the days went on the plans started to change. On Friday, Dr. Zhou (Donnies dr. in Vegas) spoke with Dr. Morbacher (USC dr.) and she had spoke with some of her colleagues at USC and they had discussed some different treatment plans for Donnie. They discussed the pros and cons to RICE and all the other chemo treatments there are. After putting all their heads together they decided that maybe ESHAP would be a better treatment for him. They think that he will respond better to this because he has never had any of the drugs that are in this one and with RICE he has already had a couple of the drugs that are in it. The only concern is that his Cancer cells have built up a tolerance to those drugs that are in RICE so they don't want to give it to him again. So on Monday, we had a appointment with Dr. Zhou to go over getting started. He said that Donnie will be admitted to the hospital for 2 weeks. The first 4 days he will get a continuous 24 hour infusion of ESHAP and he will also get Prophylactic treatment on day 2 and day 8. The Prophylactic treatment is chemo that they administer through his spine and into his fluid. His lymphoma is following his nervous system and infiltrating into his brain where his forehead is. So they want to make sure they prevent that from getting any worse. The rest of the 2 weeks they will keep him there for monitoring. They said his white blood cells will be really low and they want to make sure that he doesn't develop Febrile Neotropenia, which is just an infection from low white cells. Donnie was suppose to be admitted to the hospital on Monday night but our insurance didn't authorize the treatment till Tuesday. Then we needed to wait for a room to open so he could be admitted but we are still waiting. They were suppose to have something open yesterday but then they said today and today they told us probably not till tomorrow. So annoying! Story of our lives.. waiting. I feel like that's all we do is wait. Do this first, then do this, then you can do that, its like never ending! So as soon as he gets there and settled, I will give some more updates.

Last Friday Night.

Happy 21st Kacie!

Last Friday was my sister, Kacies' 21st birthday. We had been planning for months to have a birthday weekend at Palms and go out at night and lay at the pool in the day. My best friend, Amie was going to come and stay with us too. With everything that has been going on with Donnie I canceled myself out of all the plans. But since treatment hasn't started for Donnie yet and he's been (on most days) feeling pretty good, I decided (with much convincing) that I was going to go out Friday night and celebrate with my sister. I felt really guilty for even wanting to try and make it out. I just felt like that was the last thing I should be concerned with, but my mom told me that I needed to spend one night having fun because the last few weeks have been stressful and the next couple months will be worse. So I decided to go. Amie and her husband, Glenn and their son, Max came down on Friday to stay at my house. Glenn and Max stayed at the house with Donnie and the kids while we went out. They are really good friends as well so it was nice for them to be able to hang out too. I am so glad that I was able to make it out. I never go to clubs anymore because I feel way too old for them haha but we had a great time laughing and dancing. It was great being able to be there to celebrate with my sister, because I thought I was going to miss it! I just love my sister. I would describe us as complete opposites. I think we compliment each other well , where I lack she makes up for it. She is sensitive, an amazing writer, funny and easy to talk to. I couldn't imagine my life without her in it. I am so glad that she moved to Vegas almost 2 years ago. It is so great having her so close to me and my family all the time. I love you, Pea :) Happy Birthday!

Pumpkins, Pumpkins.

I'm Just now getting around to write about this but we had a great time so I wanted to post about it. A couple weeks ago Brody's school had a field trip to Gilcrease Orchard but it got rained out so we were never able to make it. So, a few days later, the kids, my mom and I decided to go take a trip out there to pick some pumpkins, with some friends from school. They have a ton of pumpkins you just pick right off the vine. Brody loves searching for the perfect one. He always says, "Mom, is this one perfect?" It's so fun for him to look and look, it's like a treasure hunt. We wanted to get some vegetables too while we were there, but there weren't many left. Most of the schools had their field trips there last week so it didn't leave much for us. We were able to get a couple sweet potato's, two small zucchinis, one cucumber, and one eggplant. We were very excited, until we went to pay and I realized our bag had tipped over the wagon and some over our veggies got lost along the way. Oh well, at least we still had the most important things.. the pumpkins. Brody can't wait to start carving them! They also sell the most amazing apple cider and the apple cider donuts aren't bad either ;) They have this really fun hay bail maze too, that Brody never wanted to leave. The kids had a blast and it was such a beautiful day out!

Decisions, Decisions.

It's so hard to make decisions when it comes to all this Cancer stuff. I feel like I'm always second guessing myself and the decisions we make. After a few days, many discussions and a lot of lost sleep, we have decided that Donnie will stay here, in Vegas, for his early Chemo treatments. He will only go to USC for his 3 week long stem cell transplant. Its a crazy hard decision for us because although we want to be in USC with Dr. Morbacher, we just think it will be easier on the whole family to stay here. We just miss the kids and I know the kids miss us. I can tell whenever we get home that being gone all the time takes a toll on them. I know my mom loves them to death and them with her but nothing is better than normal. Normal being the life they are use to. I think that our decision would be different if we didn't have two little kiddos that need us. If it was just Don and me we wouldn't even think twice about leaving! I just know eventually we will have to leave them for 3 weeks and I don't want to leave them for 3 day every 3 weeks on top of that. Ugghh, its so tough because I never feel like anything is the right choice. I use to be so confident in every decision I made, never second guessed myself, just committed. But lately I swear everything we do I think, "I hope this is right?" I just have to have faith in God that he gets us through all of this. At times its very hard though. There is no guide book to Cancer; every doctor, every survivor, every person that lost the battle, they all have a different opinion. They all have the answers, but we are the ones that have to make the decision that's right for him and that weight is heavy! I am just so afraid that what we decide isn't right. But I guess there is no right answer, you just do what you feel in your heart is best. At the beginning of all of this, the decision was easy, I feel like we just felt it to be right. I don't think the seriousness of it ever really hit us until just recently. But now, that "right" decision didn't work, so it makes us think a lot harder. It makes us almost over analyze everything. I just hope this one is what helps him. It will be long but I believe that him staying here will be the best for not only the family but mainly him. He won't have to travel back and fourth to USC, the financially strain won't be as large, and him knowing that the kids are close will put him at ease. I truly believe that one day this will all be past us, it's just getting there that's hard!

Donnie has been feeling pretty good lately. Dr. Morbacher put him on Prednisone, to help
shrink his lump and they seem to be helping. He is also on some anti-nausea and appetite stimulant medication and they seem to be helping because he has been eating a lot more and he's not throwing up as much. It's a vicious cycle, because he was in so much pain so he would take pain pills and because he was taking those with no food, he would throw up so he couldn't keep his anti-nausea and appetite stimulant down so he couldn't eat and then it just kept going. So now that the Prednisone took some of his pain away he hasn't had to take as many pain pills, so he's been able to eat a lot more! (I think my pep talk was the real cure though ;) None the less, I'm just glad he's eating and moving around more than he was a week ago.We have an appointment with Dr. Zhou tomorrow to find out when he can get treatment started. It's like pulling teeth to get him going, but it shouldn't be long because our insurance already authorized Dr. Zhou. So until next time, everyone :)

On a Jet Plane.

Home sweet Home. We are finally home from our whirlwind trip yesterday. We left about 8am yesterday morning to get to the airport, which was surprisingly very easy and fast. Security was a breeze and thanks to my Dad we were in A boarding group, Whoo Hoo! The simple things in life :) We were worried that maybe Donnie would have a severe headache or his ears would not be able to pop because of the altitude and his head being so congested. But he was fine he slept the whole time and felt great! Lucky for me, I sat next to a sweet older Italian man, who kept me company with some very good conversation. He wound up being from the same Italian village that my family comes from. Very small world. We talked about everything from iPhones to Las Vegas construction. It made for a enjoyable hour flight! When we arrived at the airport, Angela met us, to take us to our appointment and she didn't disappoint. She had homemade soup, sandwiches with homemade fresh bread, and a whole cooler filled with drinks and goodies! She also had pillows and a blanket waiting for Donnie in the car, for the ride. Couldn't have asked for a better person to help us through the day!

When we arrived at the hospital we were about a hour early for our appointment so we ate some lunch and visited for a bit. We headed up to the waiting area and they got us in pretty quick, we didn't wait long at all. They took Donnie's vitals, then took us to the consultation room to wait for Dr. Morbacher. Once she got there, she went over all of Donnie's test and records with us. She showed us the images of the PET scan, and let me tell you, a PET scan in an incredible piece of technology. It's so black and white. On the scan you can see the whole body, a body that is standing facing you and the body is white. And everything that is black is Cancer, except for the Brain, Heart, and Bladder. Those all show up black as well. When we looked at the image, we could see a small black dot on his neck but nothing else. The black on his face just looked like part or his brain, until she turned the body to a side view. On the side view, it literally looked like his whole right side of his face was black. All the way from his throat to almost his brain where your forehead is. I mean, it looked very big on the MRI but the PET scan was so much more clear and detailed. He also had a little spot in his groin as well! It was just so scary and shocking to look at! The Dr. expressed major concern with how progressed it is. She definitely think it can be treated but it needs to start now. She sent him to get another biopsy of this original neck lump, just to make sure that the original diagnosis was accurate. He also had blood work done when we were there. She discussed with us whether we wanted to go less aggressive but maybe have to do something different after if it doesn't cure it. Or whether we would rather go more aggressive with more of a chance of it being cured with just that therapy. This a hard choice for us, seeing as how our main goal has always been "quality of life" but we really want to Stem Cell Transplant, because honestly I feel like he will have a better chance of getting rid of this and bouncing back from it if he  does! And that is a more aggressive treatment. He will need to do the R.I.C.E. protocol, which is a combination of a few chemo drugs (R=Rituzan I=Ifosfamide C=Carboplatin E=Etoposide). He will do 3 days of that then 3 weeks off, then 3 days on then 3 weeks off and so forth for 4-6 cycles depending on how he responds. They will do a PET scan every month to make sure that he is responding well. After that they will do the Stem Cell Transplant, where he will need to spend a minimum of 3 weeks in the hospital. How Stem Cell works is they put you on like a dialysis machine and harvest your own stem cells from your blood and freeze them. Then they give you mega doses of chemo, until every last bit of everything is killed in your body. They want your white count 0, they want your red count 0, they want platelets 0... they want everything dead. Immediately after they get a count of everything 0, they put all your harvested stem cells back into you and wait to them to regrow everything. It is a very aggressive, long process. He will be very sick. But we want the best, and right now this is the best in terms of technologically advanced treatments. So like always we wait... we are waiting right now for our insurance to authorize them to start. As soon as that happens, he can begin. Hopefully, he will be able to get going next week sometime, either Wednesday of Thursday! We were at USC till almost 6, so I had to reschedule our flight to the 9pm one, which I'm thankful they let me do. which actually worked out good, because we were able to go to my Aunt LuLu's for a bit and have dinner and play cards and talk. It was nice. Thank you Aunt Lu for the hospitality :) Then back on the plane we go. It was an exhausting day, we were never so happy to have our heads hit the pillow! Also a big thank you to my mom, who has been nanny to my children, they couldn't be with anyone better. And also Poppy, for pulling my weeds and trimming my trees and replacing my light bulbs. Its nice having a man around the house again to do I'll the stuff I don't do :)

USC bound.

Thought I would write a quick little post before we head off to USC Norris Cancer Center in the morning. Donnie's PET scan went fine on Tuesday, no results but we have the images so the Dr. tomorrow should be able to tell us how they look. Donnie had a Echogram today went good, other than this really weird guy in the lobby that was talking my ear off. I was trying to be super nice to him cause we were in a cancer center, so pretty sure he was fighting his own battle. But when he busted out his iPod to have me listen to a few songs he wrote, I was very happy to be saved by the bell ie; the nurse calling Donnie back! Ok that's mean I'll stop, I think he just wanted someone to listen to his struggles and if all it took was 10 minutes of my time, it was worth it! Anyyyway... We leave in the morning to go to USC, our appointment is at 1pm. My mom will have the kids all day (thank God for her) and then we'll be back before bed :) Wish us luck and good news... and lots of prayers!

Silly Girl.

These pictures are just too funny not to post. I actually caught Mia sleeping like this a couple weeks ago but I'm just now getting around to writing about it! I went in her room to put her blanket back on her and I died laughing, when I saw her in this position. How do you even fall asleep like that?! I hurried and grabbed Donnie just so I wasn't laughing alone but Mr. Paranoid was like, OMG you have to move her, she is going to hurt her legs! Haha. I mean I guess he's right, what the heck would happen if she tried to roll over?? Then I grabbed my camera, and snapped a few, couldn't pass up the photo op at its finest! Even though I started getting worried that the flash would wake her and she'd roll over and break her ankles but whatever it was hilarious, only a child would fall asleep like this! It was very interesting trying to move her, without her knowing what was going on! Silly Moosie :)

Kindness.

So our blog was featured on the best little blog I know. I use to go to school with Darci (the mom) I think we started off in grade school together. And now she is all grown up and has a cute family of her own. I feel a strange connection with her, I think because everything she writes about is my life, literally! I have to admit I stalk her blog because she writes the funniest stuff about kids and life and all the stuff in-between. When I want to pull my hair out, she reminds me that I'm not the only one who has kids that want to play in the toliet, stay in their pajamas most days and who ask when I start to clean, "who's coming over?" Anyway, she emailed me a couple days ago and asked if she could write about us. I was so overwhelmed with the kindness, that someone cared enough about our story to share it with others! I appreciate her support. Please check out her blog, it's amazing! And you can see our story too :) Click here!!

Also, she encouraged me to setup a PayPal, to make it easier on people who want to help us out. Such a great idea! There is a new little donate button on the right, you can still go through Wells Fargo too if you prefer that!

No regrets.

Today was the the bone marrow biopsy. Our appointment was at 10am, we waited till 11:45 and then the nurse came in and told us the doctor was backed up and to go to lunch and come back. I swear doctors sometimes. I felt like saying oh no worries, we have nothing better to do today than wait for them to get around to us :) So we went to eat and Donnie slept in the car for 30 minutes before we went in. Sleepy head all the time :) We were a little worried because I heard that it was very painful. I had called the office before we came and asked what they were going to give him for pain management and the nurse said just a local. She also said some people say it's incredible painful and others say that it didn't hurt at all. So Donnie really didn't know what to expect but nope, he was a champ. He said it wasn't bad at all, the worst part about it was the needle for the anesthesia. They did have to do the biopsy twice in two different spots though. The first time the doctor did the biopsy, he wasn't able to get into the bone because it was too hard. Which isn't a bad thing, it just means Donnie has strong bones. He was right, all those ice cream sandwiches he's been eating all these years did pay off, good calcium he he ;) So, the doctor had to start the biopsy in another place. Good thing he said it barely hurt because when I was watching, it looked so uncomfortable. It looked like the doctor had a apple corer and was carving into his bone with full force. But anyway :) They said it would be pretty sore for the next couple days and he can't shower for 24 hours but other than that he was good to go. Now PET scan tomorrow.

While I was at the doctors today USC called me and told me that the doctor can see Donnie on Friday (7th). Yipppeee... I was so excited, I thought that we would have to wait a lot longer to see the doctor. God really does perform miracles everyday because when I first called the earliest he could be seen was the 19th. We are going to fly out Friday morning, Angela is going to be picking us up and taking us to the appointment and then we will be flying back to Vegas that night. We were going to drive, but Donnie has been getting really car sick lately and he just doesn't want to spend 6 hours in the car. I don't blame him. The drive to LA is miserable when you are perfectly healthy, I cant imagine it sick!  We are just so excited to see Dr. Morbacher, and see what she thinks can be done for Donnie. I have had a couple people ask me why we are going to a new doctor and honestly we just want a new set of eyes. We don't dislike Dr. Forsythe, we don't think he did anything wrong. We just want another doctor to see if there is something else that can be done for Donnie. I did have a few issues with Dr. Forsythe's office but as for him as a doctor, he was great. He was very compassionate and caring. We did choose more of an alternative route when we first started all of this but that was our decision. Dr. Forsythe didn't make us do anything, we chose what we wanted to do. And to be honest, I don't think his philosophy is wrong or crazy, we have just moved on to something new. Yes, we should have had a PET scan earlier but truthfully, there can't be regrets with Cancer. You can't say we should have done this, we should have done that because at that moment when we made that decision it was exactly what we wanted! With Cancer there is no right or wrong, what works for one may not work for another. The only thing that matters is that you tried, that you tried everything possible to keep that person alive. And that's what we are doing, I/We will do ANYTHING to get Donnie better. If it means traveling to the ends of the earth that's what I'll do. All we can do is have faith and hope that this is the answer and this will work!

OFF TOPIC: Brody said to me in the bath tonight... "Mom, I think we should get a new house." Me: "Why do you want a new house?" Brody: " Because I want a fireplace and we don't have one."

That made my whole day, just made me laugh. He's just such a funny kid, the things that come out of his mouth!

What day is it?

This post is going to be incredibly longggg because I have the hardest time updating on a regular basis. My daughter does not let me sit at the computer, she just stands next to me and throws a fit because she wants to play with the keyboard.. ahhh!! And by the time everyone is asleep for the night I'm exhausted. So I am truly sorry for being such a procrastinator. I do try :)

What's today? HA I swear all of the days have been running into each other. I have no memory of what I did yesterday or the day before or today for that matter! Ok, today is Saturday and Thursday we saw the new Oncologist (Dr. Zhou). He was fine. I mean he didn't do anything wrong, I just didn't really care for him. I had a really hard time understanding him because he is Chinese, and I kept having to ask him to repeat himself. I'm sure he was getting as annoyed with me as I was about the language barrier. Wait, I forgot about the Oculoplasy doctor we saw Wednesday. Ok I'll talk about her and then I'll go back to the Oncologist. Sorry! See what I mean, we go to so many dang doctors I cant keep it straight. The Oculoplastic, Dr.Eggert, was very nice and seemed knowledgeable. We originally went to her because she deals with the orbital a little more in depth than just a regular Ophthalmologist. But there was nothing she could do for him unless he needs a biopsy and even that would be quite invasive. She said that if a biopsy was need, she the one to see! She also said she would have to remove the bone on the side of Donnie's face to be able to get to where the mass is, if a biopsy was needed. She said unless it's absolutely necessarily she doesn't recommend it because it is so deep in his eye socket permanent damage could happen during surgery. She told us that we definitely needed to see an Oncologist. So we left. One more doctor down :) Now back to the Oncologist. He told us that Donnie's type of Non-Hodgkin's (large b cell) is very aggressive and it needs treatment immediately. Dr. Zhou talked about getting Donnie started with chemo next week and possibly having him do Stem Cell Transplant later on. But for now, He scheduled him to have a bone marrow biopsy Monday (which I heard is incredibly painful, so please keep him in your prayers on Monday) and a PET Scan on Tuesday. He wants to make sure that it hasn't spread to his bone marrow and also make sure it isn't anywhere else. He gave him some more pain meds and a appetite stimulant because he just has no appetite, He only weighs like 150 lbs. so he needs to be eating, he was 188 in March :( He is just having the hardest time keeping anything down so it makes him not want to eat anything! When we got home, I wanted to call my cousin Angela, who's husband, Mel, had the same exact cancer as Donnie's 3 years ago. She gave me a ton of great information and told me to contact Mel's doctor at USC Norris Cancer Center. Angela told me that Mel did the Stem Cell transplant and he responded amazing. He has been considered in remission since February of 2009. I have really been looking into Stem Cell and that is what I want Donnie to do. So I faxed all his records to USC yesterday and all we have to do is just wait for the doctor to review them. But Angela being as helpful as ever, email the doctor for me, Dr. Anne Morbacher, she is a personal friend of theirs. And Dr. Morbacher wrote Angela back and told her that see would see Donnie. We would just need to contact one of the girls from new patient and have them set up an appointment for us! Ahh-mazing! I mean I thought that it would be weeks before we would be able to get approved and seen. I still haven't heard from the office but it is the weekend, so I'm hoping for good news on Monday! Angela is a total God sent, she really has been so great in helping me get everything I need in order for Donnie to be seen ASAP. I wish that I would have contacted her earlier but you live and you learn. We made the best decisions we knew to make and I regret none of it. We are just wanting to try something new. Another Miracle, they take our insurance! I never thought i'd hear those words :) I just want to get him somewhere where they can get him started on treatment. So we wait.. 

How Donnie feels? He has been pretty lousy lately. I see him about 20 minutes a day because he sleeps the rest of it. I wake him up to eat but most of the time he just throws it all up anyway. I'm not quite sure why he has been throwing up so much but hopefully we will find out soon. He also feels like his eye is starting to push out now and his eye is almost completely shut. Poor guy! He is just so sick of being sick and we miss him. I miss having him to talk to and laugh with. The kids miss playing with him and cuddling with him at night! We just want him back; his funny, tenderhearted, smiling face back!

And Lastly,

How do we help?!? That is the hardest question for me to answer. I feel like a deer in the headlights when someone asks me because honestly I have NO idea how to answer it. I always feel so bad when I can tell that someone truly wants to help us but all I say is no, we are fine!  I'm not the type of person that asks for anything, I mean I don't even like to ask my family for anything. I'm just too proud I guess. But the fact of the matter is, Cancer is expensive. Donnie is out of work, our medical bills just keep piling and they are just getting started! So monetary contributions are the biggest help right now!(info in right column). I would never ask anyone for money, but I feel like that's the easiest for people and it's the best help of all for us! We are so appreciative of everything that everyone continually does for us daily, whether it's helping take Brody to school or karate class, watching Mia or just a ear to talk to. Thank you :) Please keep praying for Donnie, because I believe that prayer is powerful!

Took this picture of them cuddling last night, melted my heart!
They just love their Daddy!