Gobble, Gobble.

Thanksgiving was amazing this year. I think it was so much better then in years past because I had Donnie there. Not that I haven't had him there before but I just didn't know if he'd be in the hospital this year. He's been in and out of the hospital so much and the dates are never for sure until he's there, that I was afraid we would be with out him. So, I was thankful that we all were able to spend it together. I come from a very large ( loud ;) Italian family and we always spend the holidays together. This year it was at my Aunt Row's house {you're welcome for volunteering you}. The last couple years, if we haven't been at my mom's we've had everything at my house, but I was happy to let another relative enjoy hosting our family ;) All kidding aside, we all had a wonderful time! I am so incredibly grateful for my entire family, they have definitely made all the difference during this hard time for us. I have so much to be thankful for this year! Sometimes, I get down and out, and I wonder why all of this is happening to us, but then I remember that there is so much to be thankful for. And to be honest, we have a whole lot! I have learned that it's not the things you have, it's the relationships that make you truly blessed. And I feel blessed! Happy Thanksgiving everyone, I hope you found a reason to be thankful this year :)

Picture over-load!

2 down...

I guess I haven't talked about Donnie much lately, but I haven't really needed too. He has been doing really well. He was able to come home like they said on the 18th, which was great! We were happy to have him home and he was happy to be home. He was getting so sick of the hospital the last few days, more sick of it then the last time. He was a lot more sick the last time so he didn't mind it as much because he just laid around and slept. This time though, he felt good, for the most part he was feeling pretty normal. He wasn't nearly as sick and his headaches stayed to a minimum. So he couldn't wait to step out of there. At his post hospital check-up, the Dr. said his blood work looked great... which is a relief because his white counts were so low when he was admitted. Donnie seems to be responding well to the treatment and honestly he is getting through this incredibly. It's funny because we have been waiting for his hair to fall out, but it just hasn't yet. He is growing quite the impressive beard too. Everyday I'm like has any fallen out. Ha ha. They said he would for sure lose it but he hasn't so I don't know. I guess that's a good thing though! Anyway, two cycles down, hopefully only stem cell left to go!!

We leave for USC tomorrow for an appointment on Monday. He needs to get a few things done before we can get the ball rolling for the stem cell transplant. I'm not really sure what to expect when we get there. They said he would need to get some tests done, meet with a social worker and see Dr. Morbacher. I'll post the details once we get back. The day after we get back, Donnie will have a PET scan done. So we will know exactly what kind of progress he is making. Then the day after that on the 1st, he has to have a catheter placed into a vein in his chest. They do that because when the do the stem cell harvesting they need tubing big enough for the stem cells to go through in tact. And his port catheter is too small. So the moral to that long drawn out story is... we will be having a busy month :) Dates change so frequently with him, that I always plan something and then they wind up rescheduling. So, I try not to plan anymore or expect things to happen when they are suppose to. It's just kinda the way it is right now. Oh well, at least he's been feeling good, that's all I can ask for, right?! He even hung Christmas lights yesterday, man, he's a trooper!

This Girl.

Mia is a handful. She is our sour then sweet. She is so naughty sometimes but it is so hard to ever be mad at her because she is just so cute. The other day while I was washing dishes, I was watching the kids play in the living room. About 30 seconds later I noticed that Mia disappeared. I called her name for her to come but she never did, so I turned off the water and went to look for her. She is normally a couple places; in the hall bathroom, Brody's room or in her room pulling all the wipes out. But this time I rounded the corner to find her sitting on the computer chair. Innocent enough, right?! Guess wrong. She was sitting on the chair with a whole mound of M&Ms between her legs, chowing down. She must have found my stash from one of my late night computer binges ;) And she was having a ball! I could not get mad at her, her face was just too precious but I did manage to get a few pictures to capture the moment. Brody decided to join in as well, I mean can you blame him, who see's a whole pile of M&Ms and doesn't help themselves?? This girl, she is just the sweetest little trouble maker. I can't imagine raising two kids and have them turning out so different. But my two are. They are as opposite as they come, but that's what makes them them! These pictures are definitely worth a thousand words.

I guess I haven't talked about Donnie much lately, but I havent really needed too. He has been doing really well.

Double Trouble.

My all time fav picture.
{sorry for the picture quality}

It was my mom and my aunts' birthday on Monday (they are twins btw ;) We went out to dinner on Friday to celebrate at Yard House, yumm! I have always been so close not only to my mom but also my Aunt Row {real name: Rose} I've been calling her that since I can remember. Actually, I think I called her Rowie more when I was little but it has evolved into Row, anyway, to make a long story long blehh. I have some old pictures of them and I just love them and always have, so I wanted to post a little something about them because both of them are such a huge part of my life. Row is like a mom to me, always has been. She's the comedian, she's the one that makes our crazy family not so crazy at times. She's been right beside me during every major event or accomplishment in my life; the birth of my children, my graduation, my wedding, garage sales ;)

Aunt Row and My Mom

Looks like their 5th birthday, with my Granny!

 I'm just glad that I get to have her in my life because it definitely wouldn't be the same without her in it!

 Last but not least, baby B... My mom, Effie, formally known as Ethel. Her and my aunt are about as close as two people could be. They are constantly laughing and that is the one thing I will always remember about the two of them. The do have different personalities but I guess that's why they get along so well, they balance each other out. My mom and me have always been close as well, but we definitely have highs and we have lows. We are extremely different people. But over the years I think we are learning from each other. She has a never ending love, that I admire. She's always been there for me whenever I need her and over the past few months I have needed her more than ever. She puts her family above anything else and I couldn't imagine this world without her as my mother. She has been so great lately helping get me through all this Cancer stuff. She literally has my kids all day for days and does it with a smile on her face. Both of these two make my life better and I just want to thank them for getting me through. I'm sure you both never thought bratty little Alex would be where she is today ;) Happy Birthday Mom and Rowie!! Love you both :)

Birthday Dinner!
They are goning to kill me once they see that I posted this picture of them,
but this is just them, captured their relationship!

PS- Yes, I have bangs now. I guess you could call it a quarter life crisis, but can you blame me?!?

A Rut.

I've been having the hardest time blogging lately. I just never feel like it. I don't know if it's because I'm low on energy or because I find something else to do with the few minutes I have to spare or that the last thing I feel like doing is talking about life. Honestly, I have come to this computer several times this week to blog, but I always just wind up checking emails I never reply to or sorting through 2 weeks worth of mail. Life just feels so out of sorts right now. I sometimes feel like I'm in control of nothing. Like I just get through, bare minimum. I worry about today and nothing else. Donnie went back to the hospital on Wednesday and I swear I live there. I'm grateful that I have my mom here to watch my kids because I wouldn't be able to be there as much if she didn't, but I'm stretched thin. I'm always running from one place to another. Some days I so badly wish we were "normal" again; spending our free days at the park and having dinner as a family at night and going on vacations.  I miss being organized and thoughtful. I feel as if I live in such chaos. I never respond to emails, play dates are rare, family dinners long gone, and if I get to put my my kids to bed more times than less in a week, I'm elated. I'm in a rut lately, I guess. I just miss having our little family together all the time. I'm done now, I'll quit with the pity party. Thank you for listening, I needed that!

On to Donnie :) He went back to the hospital on Wednesday night, with plans to start Chemo in the morning, he wasn't however able to. His white count (ANC) was very low, it was in the 800 range and normal range is 2500 or above. So, they had to give him injections to increase his white count before they could start the chemo, because the chemo will just lower it more. Donnie was able to get his counts back up to normal range by the next day.. Go Don! So they were able to start everything yesterday. They also did another Intrathecal (spine chemo) yesterday. He will get another one on the 7th day and then he should be able to go home the next day (18th). He is doing good though, just chugging along. He can already tell that the treatments are working because he is almost in no pain anymore. His face use to kill him, it use to cause him so much pain from the mass pushing on nerves and his eye. He has just a little bit of numbness now but for the most part the pain is gone. So, that must mean the lump is shrinking right?! We think so. He will have another PET scan after this cycle and we will find out for sure. Can't wait for him to be home though!

In other news...

Donnie has been doing really good lately.

 He had a post hospital check-up on Monday with his Oncologist and it went well. Dr. Zhou said that all of his blood work looks well and that he never turned Neutropenic, which is great! Donnie seems like he is responding well to treatment; his lumps in his neck you can barely feel and his face is in a lot less pain. He will have to still do 6 cycles of this treatment, one every 21 days. So from the first day of the last chemo cycle till the first day of the next one is how they calculate the 21 days. So it kinda works out as 10 days at the hospital, 10 days home, 10 days at the hospital, 10 days home and so on for 6 times. It feels a little overwhelming but if it makes him better, what's 5 months out of our life?! Even though it feels like we've been dealing with this forever. After the 2nd cycle he will have a PET scan to see how much progress he has made. He can't get that soon enough, we want to compare so badly his last one to that one. We like to hope that it's helping but until you see it in black and white, it's hard to trust that it is! Today, he went in to have a Port placed in him. It's a minor surgery but he did have to be put under to have it done. A Port, is a like a small catheter, that is placed under the skin right under the collar bone. It is connected to a vein so that it's easier for receiving chemo and taking blood. Most cancer patients get them because they get poked so much, so this eliminates some of that discomfort. The nurse can do everything she need right through there, plus it leaves their hands and arms free of needles and tubes. Donnie was poked so often at the hospital, that he had track marks and bruising all up this arms. I mean he was getting blood taken twice a day and he had to have his tubing changed every 3 days, so it was a lot. They gave him a PICC line midway through the last cycle, which is kinda the same as a port but more temporary and way more annoying, because that is placed on the inside of the arm. They removed it when he was discharged so this was the next step for something more permanent. 

Other than all of that, Donnie has been doing surprisingly well. For the most part, he is back to himself. He still has a little pain in his face and he sometimes becomes nauseous, but that's about it. He's still skinny as a rail but I can deal with that :) He has been eating pretty good, I've turned into a typical Italian mother, I feel like I'm constantly telling him to eat something. He just needs to keep as much weight on as he can before he goes back again for his next round of chemo. The last time he was there, he left 10 pounds lighter then when he went in.. boo! So he needs to have the 10 pounds to be able to lose for the next time. Speaking of the next time, if all goes as planned he will be back at Mountain View on Wednesday, for his next 10 days. Cycle 2. I'm sure it will feel like Deja Vu but it's one cycle closer to the end and that's what we cannot wait for!

Go, Brody, Go.

This morning, Brody had his annual Learning is Child's Play 1mile/5k/10k race for his school! 

*Flashback to Last Year* 
It was his very first race and I was so excited, but him not so much. I invited my parents, my aunt and uncle and cousin to join us. We were all decked out in our race shirts and we were ready. We waited at the start line for them to yell go and then we were off. Well, as fabulous as that sounds it wasn't :) Brody started cry right out of the gate. He DID NOT want to race, he didn't want to run with his friends, he did not want a medal, he wanted no part of this "FUNrun". Long story short we all switched off carrying him and he cried the entire time! 
Not the best day we ever had. 

So, this year I was a little worried. I waited till the last minute to register him, because I didn't know if we would be able to make it. When I woke up, I looked outside and it was blowing wind and 45 degrees. I didn't want to take Mia in it, so I decided to drop her off at my grandparents. Actually Donnie dropped her off before his surgery (details in other post). It was just me and Brody and he was beyond excited to get to his race. He was the exact opposite as last year, so it made me really glad I decide to register him! I figured I'd go about a half hour early so I could get his shirt and packet. When we got there, I was surprised by all the people that were already there. Little did I know the race started at 8AM not 9AM, it was now 8:35am. Seriously?! How am I such a space cadet?? I was wondering why everyone was looking at me weird when I come strolling in 30 minutes late! Needless to say, Brody and me were still able to run it and he still received his medal. I felt so bad for him because he had to do it alone, without all his friends, which I think is the best part about it. He was just fine though, he had a great time and was so excited. A total 180 from last year. Leave it to me. Sorry, Brody, that you have a mom that obviously doesn't pay attention very much :) If we are being honest, I felt like a loser. Everyone was leaving and we are like cruisin' in. Anyway, I guess all that matters is that we had fun, and we did. Brody is still talking about it. I love that he says "Mom, everyone got a medal, so that means everyone won" It was all about having fun!

Mask Day.

Last week I worked in Brody's class and it just so happened to also be Mystery Mask Day. I was sick of being at the hospital at that point, and what's better than hangin' with 4 year olds all morning?! It was nice to just get away from the monotony of the hospital and just play. I was so glad that my working day happened to fall on Mystery Mask Day. The kids were so funny in their masks, all were unique to their cute little personalities! Brody designed his all himself, he just told me where to hot glue gun it. I created one for myself as well, but failed to capture it in a picture, oh well. Half way through the day all the kids put on their masks and went from class to class as the mystery guests, it was very cute. All the other kids loved trying to guess who they were. I love the pure innocence of children; How they are so quick to forgive, so easy to make laugh, so excited about things that us adults take for granted. Those little ones sure are amazing and they all have a special little place in my heart! And that Brody, well he sure has blossomed over that last couple years. I feel like he is growing up so fast and I'm afraid I'm not remembering it enough or taking enough pictures. I just want to cherish everything because it sure is going by fast!

Trick or Treat.

Halloween crept up on me fast this year. I swear, I felt like I had weeks left to get ready for it but instead I was rushing to Target on Sunday to get candy. We had some of my family over that night to have dinner and go trick or treating. We had a really great time! I have a ton of family and we are always together, it makes the holiday more fun (well, sometimes ;) I was so glad that Donnie was able to be here this year, because I thought that he was still going to be at the hospital. It made the night so much better to have him around. Him being at the hospital so much makes me feel so grateful for the times we do have him here. It's like I appreciate it so much more than usual. Anyway, the kids loved dressing up and trick or treating. Brody was Darth Vader and Mia was Snow White. I ordered their costumes like 2 months ago. I wanted Disney-ish themed costumes, because we were suppose to wear them to Disneyland for Mickey's Halloween Party. We were suppose to go 2 weeks ago but because of everything with Donnie, we had to cancel it. But anyway, I still thought they were perfect costumes for them. Brody loved his, except for the mask and the cape oh yeah and the light-saber. This boy, he always find something wrong with everything. He loved his costume but hated everything that went with it. The novelty also wore off because he's been wearing it for 2 months! He looked adorable though and he was a good sport when it can to taking pictures. Mia was adorable and probably would have been in any costume. She's just so happy all the time that its hard to not think she is just so precious. You should have seen her trick or treating, she absolutely loved it. She was literally running from door to door. She would not let anyone hold her or sit in the wagon, she just wanted to go. It was so fun to watch her having such a great time. She did however take a turn for the worst, when in my lapse of judgement I let her have a huge tootsie pop. She got mean, Fast! And Donnie was a zombie, which worked out well for him, since hes so skinny and pale hehe. He just needed some makeup and a ripped up shirt and he could have been confused for an extra on The Walking Dead :)  All in all we had a wonderful Halloween, can't believe Thanksgiving is next. Where are the days going?!