Decisions, Decisions.

It's so hard to make decisions when it comes to all this Cancer stuff. I feel like I'm always second guessing myself and the decisions we make. After a few days, many discussions and a lot of lost sleep, we have decided that Donnie will stay here, in Vegas, for his early Chemo treatments. He will only go to USC for his 3 week long stem cell transplant. Its a crazy hard decision for us because although we want to be in USC with Dr. Morbacher, we just think it will be easier on the whole family to stay here. We just miss the kids and I know the kids miss us. I can tell whenever we get home that being gone all the time takes a toll on them. I know my mom loves them to death and them with her but nothing is better than normal. Normal being the life they are use to. I think that our decision would be different if we didn't have two little kiddos that need us. If it was just Don and me we wouldn't even think twice about leaving! I just know eventually we will have to leave them for 3 weeks and I don't want to leave them for 3 day every 3 weeks on top of that. Ugghh, its so tough because I never feel like anything is the right choice. I use to be so confident in every decision I made, never second guessed myself, just committed. But lately I swear everything we do I think, "I hope this is right?" I just have to have faith in God that he gets us through all of this. At times its very hard though. There is no guide book to Cancer; every doctor, every survivor, every person that lost the battle, they all have a different opinion. They all have the answers, but we are the ones that have to make the decision that's right for him and that weight is heavy! I am just so afraid that what we decide isn't right. But I guess there is no right answer, you just do what you feel in your heart is best. At the beginning of all of this, the decision was easy, I feel like we just felt it to be right. I don't think the seriousness of it ever really hit us until just recently. But now, that "right" decision didn't work, so it makes us think a lot harder. It makes us almost over analyze everything. I just hope this one is what helps him. It will be long but I believe that him staying here will be the best for not only the family but mainly him. He won't have to travel back and fourth to USC, the financially strain won't be as large, and him knowing that the kids are close will put him at ease. I truly believe that one day this will all be past us, it's just getting there that's hard!

Donnie has been feeling pretty good lately. Dr. Morbacher put him on Prednisone, to help
shrink his lump and they seem to be helping. He is also on some anti-nausea and appetite stimulant medication and they seem to be helping because he has been eating a lot more and he's not throwing up as much. It's a vicious cycle, because he was in so much pain so he would take pain pills and because he was taking those with no food, he would throw up so he couldn't keep his anti-nausea and appetite stimulant down so he couldn't eat and then it just kept going. So now that the Prednisone took some of his pain away he hasn't had to take as many pain pills, so he's been able to eat a lot more! (I think my pep talk was the real cure though ;) None the less, I'm just glad he's eating and moving around more than he was a week ago.We have an appointment with Dr. Zhou tomorrow to find out when he can get treatment started. It's like pulling teeth to get him going, but it shouldn't be long because our insurance already authorized Dr. Zhou. So until next time, everyone :)